Ppl were born with the natural instinct to do wrong. If u realized, we weren't taught to carry out actions that are by society's standards or universally accepted as immoral i.e. lying, hurting others but these were inherent, as if a human nature. No one taught the 3 year old child to lie but he did so to save himself from perhaps punishment or repercussions of his actions. Sensing danger, he by all means tries to run away. Another illustration. The 4 year old boy refuses to admit he scribbled the wall because he was afraid of being scolded. Obviously no one taught him 'to lie to get away' prior to that. He did it by human instinct. You get what I mean. (if u beg to differ u're welcome to share ur opinion of course) but that isn't my main point here today anw.
When we do something that has unintentionally hurt others, we hope to clarify things, clear doubts and make amends to the person, to let him/her know that it was unintentional and we're sorry. Of course this doesn't give us the right to continue being ignorant n to hope for mercy each time we unintentionally hurt others. Bcz when it happens too often and repeatedly, ppl get tired of it and you know sth isn't right (with the way u're handling things). Whnever we're given the benefit of the doubt or are spared of our mistakes (or not), we take a lesson out of it, make a mental note and continue to mature and learn to be more and more tactful. In that process, we continue to salvage on open and forgiving hearts of ppl ard us to look past our misgivings.
Becz the point here is: None of us (well most of us anw) inherently wish to hurt others.
In whatever aspects and by whatever way.
So that brings me to the main point lol. Sorry for being sooo long winded.
Ppl around us (our friends / associates / family mbrs) who have caused hurt to us / our loved 1s / our friends / others could have done it unintentionally. Certain actions that we think are unacceptable by Our standards, may be acceptable by another person's standards. It differs bcz we were brought up in diff fam backgrds, a layout of society with diff expectations n needs and diff levels of tolerance.
The individual, did not realize he/she has caused hurt to another fella bcz:
- If he/she were to be placed in that situation / commented w the use of certain words, he/she feels its alright n wouldn't be offended bcz he/she has a higher threshold level in accepting criticism.
- He/she feels it's alright to be messy / borrow things without permission / leave things around etc. bcz he/she wouldn't mind for others to do likewise to his/her room or things.
- There was a communication breakdown whr sth said meant a different thing/ Is interpreted differently by two diff individuals.
- His/her standards of 'normal' differs from everyone else in our clique.
Brain jam. There are a 101 reasons that can be listed out.
Therefore, before we start judging / condemning / labeling a person for an action we disapprove of, we need to remind ourselves that:
- No1 likes hurting others. (the definition of none is of course not absolute, well you know what I mean cz I'm lazy to list out exclusion criterias lol) It could most likely be unintentional.
- Humans inherently have a tendency to do wrong, but as we mature and bcum educated, the norms of society/our surroundings and our conscience determines to what extent we inhibit sinful tendencies and do the 'right' things.
In order to evaluate that person, we have to rightfully
- Clarify matters, find out reason he/she did that blah
- Find out if it was intentional or otherwise
- Let the person know how and why his/her actions were hurtful or deemed to be wrong by others.
- And of course doing all the above in a very very tactful manner at a correct time.
If I had hurt sum1 unintentionally and did not realize it even til much later, I would appreciate it very much for ppl to tell me that and how was I wrong by the 'standards'. Not to be spoken of behind my back and deemed to be horrible by everyone else.
Well yeah, most ppl in society however prefer to take the shortcut and skip right to spreading juicy gossips about others. I dun deny this shortcut is easy and tempting to take (by inherently sinful nature hehe).
I therefore stil need to continuously remind myself to walk the longer road, take that extra mile of reflection and at the same time, try reduce unintentional harms towards others. J
We don't just need communication. we need effective communication.
*this post was written by random thought and is not linked to any specific personal encounter/experience.
1 comment:
random thoughts yes, but it does speak out to ppl... like me for instance
I seriously know how it feels being different and how hard it is dealing with another person (which is why I actually prefer to avoid ppl). How I know all this? Cuz my bf is from a totally different social background, different religion and of course different up bringing cuz his from a fucking different country. And not to mention the mis-communication we suffer from since we don't really have a concrete common language. At times, it feels like we're on a different wavelength even.
And we've gone through fights due to our difference. But yes, like you said, effective communication is definitely required to sort things out. Understanding will come from communication and followed by tolerance, acceptance and then hopefully, change. Thought all this is har since it requires at least ONE party to compromise and that is not something easy to do as it requires you to put aside your pride.
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