the brass band

as if i wasnt torn enough, blogspot had to erase my entire blog post about me emo-ing about missing the finals of the world marching band competition which was just 500m away from me in a stadium opposite the hospital where i'm staying. it was going on every night for the entire week but i didnt know. sobs. :S

to cut the whole illustration short, it brought back reminiscence from the past. days of playing in the symphonic brass band back in secondary sch. the tingling sensation, the little shock waves that run through your body as you play in sync, instruments coming together to create rhythm, tunes, music, life. the majesty of a fanfare, the serenity of a sentimental tune, the upbeat pop song, things that just make u wana tap ur feet, nod ur head, sway or sing in ur heart (since u cant sing out loud with a mouthpiece at your lips :P) the wave of the conductress' baton (Laura!) , the drum roll that commands instrument up, the adrenaline surge as the song reaches its climax or as all instruments blast in the finale.

awesome feeling. :D

hope to be able to catch next year's one then. *Hopeful*

end of posting

Had my last class in Psychiatry today. Had a pleasant surprise :D

Got an adorable funny bunny bookmark from Dr Hazli for answering a question non-really-but-close-to-correctly. XD

For some weird reason I felt inclined to say Meow when looking at its adorable face.

For another weird reason the bunny doesn't have a tail.

?

Had an interesting 8 weeks in Psychiatry with Prof Hamid. All psychiatrists are super nice, patient, pleasant and did i mention, nice? grins.

It's the end of posting! Heading back to Kuching on sunday night. for a week.

After that Hello Ear Nose Throat, Eyes, Anesthetics! :D

Eww Working Emails?

rmb the last time you threw your hands into the air in frustration bcz ppl didnt respond to your panicky emergency email requiring them to complete a task?

or the time you felt ppl were irresponsible or incompetent for not doing things the way you expected them to?

or felt like you could have done a job like 100 times better than a person?

or had pent up feelings of anger or frustration or resentment towards some1 (worst still if that person was your close friend) bcz of certain habits you couldn't put up with any longer?

So you're thinking, What in the world is wrong with these ppl??? (while trying not to pull out the remaining hairs left on your head)

What do all these things have in common?

Lack of communication.

Whose fault isit?

Both parties, but particularly yours bcz for all you know (and you know very well), the other person has no idea that you felt that way. If they did, it's human nature to not address it if you don't mention anything cz ev1 wants to avoid a confrontation.

I some-sort had a realization today.

In the past, when I organized a programme, I used to send out work emails bcz I thought I saved ev1's time by having less meetings. If I had meetings, I kept them short and straight to the point.

problem was: Hardly any1 responded to those emails / got things done by the due date. I was wondering why was it so hard for ppl to check emails / reply with a 'Noted' that only takes up like less than 10 secs of their life when they can update their Facebook statuses daily.

I thought ppl were being irresponsible and hence I resorted to writing work emails in a menacing way. (at least what I thought sounded scary enough to make ppl reply or start work).

But obviously bcz ppl can choose not to respond cz you're not staring at them face to face, it didn't really work either.

The only solution: Long meetings that require going through the most detailed of details to make sure things turn out properly. Sounds real horrible and life threatening.

Now being on the other end, with me being the one receiving the work email from some1, I now come to understand how other ppl felt when I sent them lengthy work emails.

1. It was hard to maintain attention span esp reading through details of what I was supposed to do.

2. It was harder to rmb the sequence of events (of a programme)- written down. as opposed to it being explained to u verbally.

3. It was also tough rmbering what other ppl were in charge of, esp if the list is super long.

4. It was easy to get distracted by Facebook and other more fun things.

5. When work emails demand for a feedback, it was easier to ignore the email than to squeeze out brain juice to think of a feedback or ways of improvement and reply.

and my feedback to the person sending the work email would be to:

- Have a meeting to brief everyone face to face.

- Get feedbacks face to face when ev1 is forced to think on that spot.

- Unless you really trust the person to be able to read ur mind and know what you want, go through details together with him/her. Details details details.

I admit that in the past the way I sent work emails were neither efficient nor productive. esp when the group is large or when you do not know your members well enough.

If I have ever caused any1 much pain due to the way I worked, much apologies. :P

Still.... working on improving communication. afterall, every1's still learning as they grow.

Tho of course work emails + minimal meetings are extremely effective when you know that every single person in the group (usually a small group) is really responsive, responsible and committed to what they're doing. :)

And in some particular experiences it is true that certain group members simply do not care and are inherently and impossibly irresponsible. so comes the art of getting them to get things done on time. tho frustrating, maybe it trains us to develop creativity and tolerance to the last straw. >8P

Now that only talks about working in a group.

About internalized negativity towards ur close friend(s), it's another story.

Nonetheless, the keyword is communication.

We all struggle in this area, one time of another, regardless of how good of a speaker (we think) we are or how good our EQ is.

So pray for courage. And words of wisdom. :)

Yay. The End.

=(

I.just.realised.that.I.caused.all.the.photos.on.my.blog.to.be.deleted.

when i deleted the photo album that housed all my blog photos on Google Plus few wks back, thinking I didnt want a log of photos on my Google Plus account.

the mystery of all disappearing photos on my blog is solved.

but I AM EXTREMELY FLABBERGASTED.

i dunno if I should just blame myself for not realising that would happen.

or

blame Google Plus for not giving a clearer word of caution. (maybe they did but i didnt realise??)

all my previous posts' photos gone. gone. gone down the drain....

where else but to lament about it here?

*heartbroken* :(.... even that is an understatement. :(....

The Unspoken

Language. By far the most essential tool for communication, to express thoughts, get what you need, get what you want, spread love, care, peace , provoke, poke fun, create parodies, in short, sth we cant do without.

the main ingredient needed in that recipe of communication is:

Being able to understand each other.

Not the deep understanding of feelings and all, but basically just simply understanding what the other person is saying.

In other words, i just had a language barrier crisis this morning.

Felt extremely helpless talking (if you call that talking) to an elderly Chinese lady who could only speak Cantonese (the full blown fluent Cantonese). she could understand a bit of Mandarin thank goodness. She was in the psychiatric ward on a wheelchair and i wanted to talk to her to ask her how she was doing, what brought her there, if she was ok. and basically to just be an ear for her in case she was lonely.

the outcome:

i solemnly vow to BUCK UP MY FREAKING CANTONESE AND HOKKIEN!!

poor aunty was lamenting her concerns and worries (i think) and all i could do was to nod my head, smile, show concerned and emphatic looks and make agreeing sounds (Mmm) and ask her about herself in mandarin in when i thought were the appropriate times.

ARGH! i could just slap myself for not actively learning up those dialects in my whole previous clinical year.

it's still not too late i guess.

Plans:

1. Force my friends to speak cantonese to me.

2. Download important cantonese and hokkien phrases from the net.

Anymore ideas? :P

to or not to

life's made of massive decision making. every single thing you do results from signals that course through your cortex. will there be a time when u get tired of thinking, and all you do is to stare into space and make yourself think you're not thinking. but there you are. that's also thinking. ok what in the world am i thinking now.

some decisions are too large, too hard to make or just plain vague and we can choose to:

1. take that radical step to make a decision after we have analysed things through.

2. continue to be in denial and 'see how things go'.

3. get another person to make the decision for you. (this usually never works lol)

datelines prompt us to (finally) make our decision.

so if there're no datelines... how now brown cow?

you're disturbed by the thought itself.

you do other things to distract urself from it, but it comes back to you over and over again.

annoying really, because of its chronic course.

you're unsure of things.

should i? should i not?

ahhh forget it. 'see how things go'

but that annoying thought still lingers.

maybe there'll come a point when we can take it no longer and we'll be forced to decide. and we'll close our eyes, trust our instincts and muster all courage to move on.

why in the world did i just write that? what was i thinking? ?

silence

we can't speak but we know we share a sense of togetherness. we can't write but it's definitely stirring deep down in our hearts. how long can physical barriers hold. a dam can only hold that much water. when the pressure is too much there will be cracks and it'll finally burst. surely they know. is it their denial that continues to garner such actions. I can only pray.