or the time you felt ppl were irresponsible or incompetent for not doing things the way you expected them to?
or felt like you could have done a job like 100 times better than a person?
or had pent up feelings of anger or frustration or resentment towards some1 (worst still if that person was your close friend) bcz of certain habits you couldn't put up with any longer?
So you're thinking, What in the world is wrong with these ppl??? (while trying not to pull out the remaining hairs left on your head)
What do all these things have in common?
Lack of communication.
Whose fault isit?
Both parties, but particularly yours bcz for all you know (and you know very well), the other person has no idea that you felt that way. If they did, it's human nature to not address it if you don't mention anything cz ev1 wants to avoid a confrontation.
I some-sort had a realization today.
In the past, when I organized a programme, I used to send out work emails bcz I thought I saved ev1's time by having less meetings. If I had meetings, I kept them short and straight to the point.
problem was: Hardly any1 responded to those emails / got things done by the due date. I was wondering why was it so hard for ppl to check emails / reply with a 'Noted' that only takes up like less than 10 secs of their life when they can update their Facebook statuses daily.
I thought ppl were being irresponsible and hence I resorted to writing work emails in a menacing way. (at least what I thought sounded scary enough to make ppl reply or start work).
But obviously bcz ppl can choose not to respond cz you're not staring at them face to face, it didn't really work either.
The only solution: Long meetings that require going through the most detailed of details to make sure things turn out properly. Sounds real horrible and life threatening.
Now being on the other end, with me being the one receiving the work email from some1, I now come to understand how other ppl felt when I sent them lengthy work emails.
1. It was hard to maintain attention span esp reading through details of what I was supposed to do.
2. It was harder to rmb the sequence of events (of a programme)- written down. as opposed to it being explained to u verbally.
3. It was also tough rmbering what other ppl were in charge of, esp if the list is super long.
4. It was easy to get distracted by Facebook and other more fun things.
5. When work emails demand for a feedback, it was easier to ignore the email than to squeeze out brain juice to think of a feedback or ways of improvement and reply.
and my feedback to the person sending the work email would be to:
- Have a meeting to brief everyone face to face.
- Get feedbacks face to face when ev1 is forced to think on that spot.
- Unless you really trust the person to be able to read ur mind and know what you want, go through details together with him/her. Details details details.
I admit that in the past the way I sent work emails were neither efficient nor productive. esp when the group is large or when you do not know your members well enough.
If I have ever caused any1 much pain due to the way I worked, much apologies. :P
Still.... working on improving communication. afterall, every1's still learning as they grow.
Tho of course work emails + minimal meetings are extremely effective when you know that every single person in the group (usually a small group) is really responsive, responsible and committed to what they're doing. :)
And in some particular experiences it is true that certain group members simply do not care and are inherently and impossibly irresponsible. so comes the art of getting them to get things done on time. tho frustrating, maybe it trains us to develop creativity and tolerance to the last straw. >8P
Now that only talks about working in a group.
About internalized negativity towards ur close friend(s), it's another story.
Nonetheless, the keyword is communication.
We all struggle in this area, one time of another, regardless of how good of a speaker (we think) we are or how good our EQ is.
So pray for courage. And words of wisdom. :)
Yay. The End.
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