now. compassion. love. obligation.
when we look at our purpose in doing things, some are done based on obligation. some based on compassion and love. some based on obligation at first, but as time passed, you developed compassion twds it.
sth simple for instance. u enter this new school as a stranger. u obey the rules, u dun throw rubbish ard its compounds, u greet the sch officers bcz its ur obligation as a student to do so. but after 3 years, u've come to become so familiar with the sch that u noe ur teacher's favourite parking spot, the menu at the canteen everyday, the distinct off-pitched keys of the piano played drg assembly and without realising it, u have grown to be so fond of ur sch. u no longer pick up rubbish bcz its an obligation but bcz u love ur sch and simply cannot stand the sight of some1 littering or abusing its facilities.
some institutions use community service as a way to penalize their members for failure to abide to the rules n regulations of the institution. whoever started this system is a genius. the punishment becomes a contribution. and from this form of retribution comes err what's the word.. repentance? not exactly repentance but the 'turning over a new leaf' with changed life perspective that sort of thing.
bcz the individual starts off by say, washing the sch toilet very very grudgingly (bcz no1 likes washing the toilet) and he is embarrassed by the fact that he is subjected to this form of punishment. the 'pain' is thr (the agony of a bunch of cute guys walking past n seeing this girl washing the sch longkang - no that has nvr happened to me hehe) n at the same time, the cleaning is done, and when this so called 'horrifying' job has been done a tad too often, the person hvg been in that institution for some time would probably be doing it voluntarily. maybe not washing clogged drains, maybe beautifying the environment, or some form of community service like helping out in old folks or charity homes etc.
i used to enter hospital wards thinking 'okay, so today i will clerk 1 patient at least and do physical examination on 1 patient at the wards'. i want it to be convenient and fast and i hoped for patients to give their cooperation. i complained to friends when patients say they're tired / sleeping / wave me away. a day with mostly unhappy tired sleeping patients would be a 'not so good' day.
1 day someone's words struck me. 'if i see any medical student taking history from a patient in a hurried manner, doing it for the sake of taking history and not being genuinely concerned for the patient, i'll fail that student.'
whoops.
that kinda stuck in my brain even days after.
last week i happened to have a so called very free morning, waiting for teaching in the ward or sth, and i sat down to take history from a patient. not reli to take history, but just chat with the aunty (cz dunno y i was so free that time). and as i let her talk about different aspects of her life, telling me her job, her life, concerns etc, i found out more about her background and stuff pertaining to her current conditions in a way that i definitely wouldnt be able to understand if i were to skip to short questions like 'what did u used to work as b4 this? *answer* 'where're u staying now?' *answer* etc. and after the long chat, in subsequent days, i felt not to say compelled, but genuinely interested to find out how she was doing and feeling. and she opened up to let me ask anything at all about her condition. and when she was going to be discharged, i felt very happy for her.
in reality it is of course not possible for doctors to build rapport to this level with every patient they hav in hospitals or else they would be treating just 5-10 patients a day with 50 more waiting in line.
but i captured a little essence in caring for a patient not bcz it was mere obligation but out of compassion.
yes it might make a difference in her life, but also importantly, it makes a difference in your life when you do so. the wards bcome more alive, in a way. =)
i got that person to thank for his words. lol.
2 comments:
Your writing style is noticeably different from the time when I first read your blog 1 or 2 years ago. Past few posts was impressive in-depth reflections, and this post takes the crown. I enjoy reading it. Thanks for sharing your inspiring thoughts :) Take care and all the best in being who you are - a compassionate and loving medical student.
now that comment of urs is inspiring enough to make me continue writing :P not extremely in depth reflections i think, bcz i got lazy to write long, but js a pinch of what i self experienced and thought of.
when an old lady w a tremendous foot ulcer that's hurting like mad esp when the wound is being dressed everyday gave me a toothy smile after i asked her how she was feeling that day n if the pain was lesser, i felt so touched. i thought, if asking hw a patient was could bring a smile to his/her face, it's the least we can all do.
God's grace overflows. :)
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