its a mixture of hvg self confidence but thinking you're not good enough, standing tough but also being scared, filtering influences of emotions from those around you. its enough to make you go from being very happy to anxious to being lost to getting your senses stabilized again.
maybe its the whole stereotype painted picture by seniors or friends, all well meant to let u noe what u're getting into or what to expect. but it creates this destabilization and at some point you wonder whr your own opinion stand or should stand or how u shud be. lol.
i'm in my 6th wk of Surgery posting. its dubbed most easy going compared to the other 2. although i'm less blur, more confident, hv more knowledge compared to like 1st wk lol, i feel like i'm stil so inadequately equipped. stil lack of so much knowledge n skill, stil so incompetent. n probably not hardworking enough. am i hardworking enough? do i have a definition or std to compare myself to? i nvr reli savoured the thought of comparing myself w others. bt then again without a benchmark u can get lost. i dont have a schedule or target or i dunno, sth along that line. i woke up this morning feeling reli alarmed. just a sudden shock n feeling of fear that i'm in week 6 bt stil so far from being prepared to leave the posting soon. and fear, is not a nice feeling at all.
swinging along the lane. i've starved myself of feelings i don't even know what to feel right now.
its not entirely negative. its just, so swing-ish that u're knocked into a different spectrum b4 u know it.
its probably exam jitters thats affecting ev1's mood. the medicine n O&G ppl have short/long cases coming up n the nervousness is sucking into me as well.
lalallalalallalla
4 comments:
Welcome to clinical years. You'll get your share of jolt in O&G, fair and square.:P
At least you had a half-day off today in the mornings, when we had our clinical proficiency test ala long case. Don't worry, you'll still have an extra 7 weeks in your final year for Surgery posting. But then, you'll have to teach your lil' juniors, whatever rights and wrongs u have learnt during this 8 weeks. :P
will get a literal jolt i guess in few weeks time. ahah. the hardworking lil ppl evacuated to the clinics on mon morn after being thrown out of the wards. :P
oh no hav2 make full use of 3rd year immunity while possible to ask all the dumb ques lol. owh btw congrats for ending the 1st final yr posting :D it's a good thing right.
nope, we're not done yet, still got these few more days, but we're sort of partying in the small town of Teluk Intan. :P
I thought 3rd year will also have a long case in Surgery posting? Although it's done by own supervisor, so not so stress. n_n
yeah i guess we do. so not prepared at all yikes. bt thankfully i dun hav the-most-feared-person as my supervisor or else i'd need to have some sympathetic nerves removed b4 exam.
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