=(

I.just.realised.that.I.caused.all.the.photos.on.my.blog.to.be.deleted.

when i deleted the photo album that housed all my blog photos on Google Plus few wks back, thinking I didnt want a log of photos on my Google Plus account.

the mystery of all disappearing photos on my blog is solved.

but I AM EXTREMELY FLABBERGASTED.

i dunno if I should just blame myself for not realising that would happen.

or

blame Google Plus for not giving a clearer word of caution. (maybe they did but i didnt realise??)

all my previous posts' photos gone. gone. gone down the drain....

where else but to lament about it here?

*heartbroken* :(.... even that is an understatement. :(....

The Unspoken

Language. By far the most essential tool for communication, to express thoughts, get what you need, get what you want, spread love, care, peace , provoke, poke fun, create parodies, in short, sth we cant do without.

the main ingredient needed in that recipe of communication is:

Being able to understand each other.

Not the deep understanding of feelings and all, but basically just simply understanding what the other person is saying.

In other words, i just had a language barrier crisis this morning.

Felt extremely helpless talking (if you call that talking) to an elderly Chinese lady who could only speak Cantonese (the full blown fluent Cantonese). she could understand a bit of Mandarin thank goodness. She was in the psychiatric ward on a wheelchair and i wanted to talk to her to ask her how she was doing, what brought her there, if she was ok. and basically to just be an ear for her in case she was lonely.

the outcome:

i solemnly vow to BUCK UP MY FREAKING CANTONESE AND HOKKIEN!!

poor aunty was lamenting her concerns and worries (i think) and all i could do was to nod my head, smile, show concerned and emphatic looks and make agreeing sounds (Mmm) and ask her about herself in mandarin in when i thought were the appropriate times.

ARGH! i could just slap myself for not actively learning up those dialects in my whole previous clinical year.

it's still not too late i guess.

Plans:

1. Force my friends to speak cantonese to me.

2. Download important cantonese and hokkien phrases from the net.

Anymore ideas? :P

to or not to

life's made of massive decision making. every single thing you do results from signals that course through your cortex. will there be a time when u get tired of thinking, and all you do is to stare into space and make yourself think you're not thinking. but there you are. that's also thinking. ok what in the world am i thinking now.

some decisions are too large, too hard to make or just plain vague and we can choose to:

1. take that radical step to make a decision after we have analysed things through.

2. continue to be in denial and 'see how things go'.

3. get another person to make the decision for you. (this usually never works lol)

datelines prompt us to (finally) make our decision.

so if there're no datelines... how now brown cow?

you're disturbed by the thought itself.

you do other things to distract urself from it, but it comes back to you over and over again.

annoying really, because of its chronic course.

you're unsure of things.

should i? should i not?

ahhh forget it. 'see how things go'

but that annoying thought still lingers.

maybe there'll come a point when we can take it no longer and we'll be forced to decide. and we'll close our eyes, trust our instincts and muster all courage to move on.

why in the world did i just write that? what was i thinking? ?

silence

we can't speak but we know we share a sense of togetherness. we can't write but it's definitely stirring deep down in our hearts. how long can physical barriers hold. a dam can only hold that much water. when the pressure is too much there will be cracks and it'll finally burst. surely they know. is it their denial that continues to garner such actions. I can only pray.

Overcoming Addiction

i didn't mean for this blog to be filled with so much healthcare related stuff, but it seems like most of my inspirations / ideas to write come from there. pardon me. :)

i had an attachment at the Methadone Clinic this morning. it's a clinic where people with problems in drug addiction voluntarily come and seek treatment. They are assessed by a doctor and prescribed with Methadone, which is a drug that is chemically similar to Opioids (eg. Heroin, Morphine) but harmless. (relatively) it helps them combat the withdrawal symptoms of not taking say Heroin anymore and slowly wean off the addiction.

now when u think 'Drug Addicts' what comes to ur mind would be (well for most of us at least) shabby unkempt looking immoral hopeless criminals who in no way should be associated to us. in a less harsh way, it's pretty hard to be compassionate for this group of ppl.

do they deserve to be shunned by society?

can they control their addiction if they had immense will power?

who asked them to start taking drugs in the 1st place anw? it's their problem. is it?

Drug addicts caught by the police used to be thrown into cells and left 'cold turkey'. meaning, left to suffer the effects of drug withdrawal such as bodily pain, feeling as if a thousand needles were poking through ur body, u can roll around in agony take off all ur clothes and u would still feel that intense burning pricking pain that wont go away for all mercy. there would be secretions flowing out from ur nose and ur eyes tear non stop. u feel like u have no ounce of energy left in ur body to move. in more severe cases, they start vomiting and have diarrhea and start shaking.

I used to picture all these in fear, feeling slightly sorry for them but not really feeling much empathy.

There is another perspective to this.

Drug addiction is a disease. An illness, that requires treatment. Just as how ppl brought obesity to themselves by overeating and lacking exercise, or bringing lung cancer onto themselves by smoking cigarettes out of their fingers, drug addicts were thrown into this desperate abysmal, unable to climb out due to a wrong step in their past. perhaps due to immaturity / curiosity / lack of moral judgement / multifactorial stress etc.

In other words, leaving people with drug addiction problems to die with this problem / refusing to help them is inhumane.

To expect them to completely put a halt to this drug abuse would be like asking yourself not to sleep for 3 days. ok poor illustration. lol. but u get what i mean. the drugs affect a person's mental condition. and unfortunately ur mind is what controls ur body. so when ur mind goes haywire, so does ur body and its a whole vicious cycle.

The Methadone replacement therapy helps them to overcome the addiction. But not entirely so they still have to have self discipline and want to help themselves overcome it in order for it to work. The dose is slowly tapered off, however, it takes years for a person to completely overcome the addiction. They visit the clinic daily for a dose of methadone, a pink liquid that they gulp down in front of the pharmacist. those who're more stable are allowed to take home let's say 2 or 3 days of supply.

now this was a new aspect of humanity to me. i always thought of methadone clinics being a programme. not so afterall. it's a treatment. there's a difference if u get what i mean.

the downside though is that Methadone only helps Opioid addiction. for other drugs like Amphetamine, Benzodiazepine, Cocaine, Cannabis etc, there isnt yet a solution. in future perhaps hopefully. :)

it's a social phenomenon. we dont want it but it exists. and its rampant. prevention and cure needs to come hand in hand. and the best way to treat it is in a humane way.

nothing in particular

its... one of those wkends whr u get really idle and the internet line is really slow and u wonder how ppl in the past managed to get through days without the internet.

now try imagining life without this almighty entertainment information networking provider (to me).

1. Hackers would be out of jobs and probably working on sth that might actually benefit the world.

like making the world's largest strawberry cake.

2. Your stamp album collection continues to grow with snail mail.

3. Your weekends would be filled with outdoor activities instead of talking and laughing in front of a screen and checking your facebook news feed every 5 mins.

4. He/She would have a hard time finding out if she/he's single or attached.

5. Less chances to spread hate mail and defame someone.

6. The Nyan Cat, the annoying orange and Rebecca Black would never really be famous.

7. University students would have to spend their life in the library to get an assignment done.

8. I might just get a pet.

kidding.

9. Phone bills would either rocket sky high or phone calls become free because they become a mega huge life necessity.

10. I would be exercising for fun.

nah. boring.

:D

Now the above are just random thoughts, some merely exaggeration, obviously not done with proper prior research and just my way of spending 15 mins on a saturday evening for self entertainment. apologies for lack of substance and analysis.

the internet line in my campus is horriblyyyyyy slowwwwwww.................. (every page needs to be refreshed 3 times to get the whole thing to load)

i cant wait to go siew pao hunting in seremban :D audrey teo ju yeng tan ek guan norfaidhi akram shalisha jaelyn hehehehehe ok xuvin shaddap.

How far would you go.

this week's clinic touched me emotionally. i'll keep it short.

at the child and adolescent psychiatry clinic,

- thr was a case whr distraught parents came in with their 9 year old daughter who was really adorable, friendly, happy but unable to talk / read / recognize alphabets, communicating only by making certain audible sounds and hand gestures. they had flown in all the way from Brunei for a 2nd opinion, with some hope, for a diagnosis and some form of treatment. they left knowing that their child might just never ever be able to talk. bcz the success of speech therapy esp at such a late age is subjective.

- parents coming in with both children having autism and both parents suffering from depression due to financial problems and being unable to cope with taking care of their children. thr were many other cases with children suffering from depression and mental retardation, attention deficit disorder etc.

i tried imagining hw life would be like if i was the parent.

i was awed and touched by the love they displayed for their child.

in the adult psychiatry clinic, i watched elderly parents bringing in their sick adult child with schizophrenia / depression / bipolar, stories of aggression at home, the child screaming at the parents to get out of the house, suicidal tendencies, caused by noncompliance to treatment. the elderly parent kept reassuring his son it'll be alright, we're with you, we'll always be with you, dont worry.

it was really something. imagine one of your family members suffering from a mental illness. it takes a lot of love to commit yourself to care for them for a lifetime. bcz these sort of illnesses usually relapse and are chronic. they cant be 100% cured with medication. and lots of patients are not compliant to medication bcz of their side effects like drowsiness, abdominal upset, insomnia etc. some of them also cause addiction.

this kind of love is really amazing.