homing

it's good to be home.

its harder to get online. (cz i'm too lazy to purposely fix up my laptop n walk down 2 flights of stairs to switch on the modem n walk back up. just. to go online) but i was a bit more hardworking today. :D

cz we hav to confirm and print out our UPP hostel application to submit to the college office (to be lost in a box of a whole pile of every1 else's forms that no one bothers to categorise properly anw)

well. i'm stil submitting it anw. just. in case.

bwahahahaha..... yeah right oh well.

ok. better get back to those mountain high notes.

i cant wait for exams to be OVer...... all thoughts on post exam plans seem to come up quite frequently. hehe.

overwhelming nature

i shamelessly watched a 2.5 hour movie: My Name Is Khan today. putting the guilt aside, i'm writing about it here bcz I cried till my eyes were swollen it reli sent out a strong impactful message that every single living mankind on this earth should know.

It opened my eyes to whole new perspective of other ppl's religion and how religion can move ppl so much.

It gets very sensitive to talk about religion these days, esp when the focus of the topic is on the differences.

I nvr stopped long enough to realize the impact of 911 on the everyday lives of Muslims in US. Innocent people who face condemnation bcz they were labelled terrorists. and the pain they must have felt when ppl accused their religion of violence. People feel very strongly and deeply about their religion. and when wrongly accused, it hits hard, sometimes so hard that its difficult to continue loving and forgiving your perpretrators.

But what this movie portrayed was how important it is to push your differences aside. and focus on the essense of humanity at the very least. If you cant accept another religion, or give up your beliefs to take on another, the very least we can do is to respect basic human rights and dignity according to the universal human rights declaration.

Its not easy of course. There are many reasons we can put forward in order to dislike or condemn a certain party bcz u feel they carry the general representation of certain things you feel uncomfortable with in the group they come from. but sth that reli reli struck me in this movie is that as God poured out His love for me, so i shud pour out this love to ppl around me as well. not just to ppl i like, but everyone. indiscriminately. to overcome the barriers of misconceptions, prejudice, stereotypes that cloud my vision to see every individual as who he or she is. not merely a representation (that i might probably be wrong about or at least not entirely correct about) of a cluster of ppl.

if only the world would just sit down and take 2.5 hours to catch this movie. hehe.

this movie is overwhelming! watch it when you can. :) you'll nvr look at the world the same way again.

jumping aboard, and the wagon doesnt stop

neverending leaps of faith.

3 weeks ago i lay in bed imagining n telling God that the post conference project i was organising will surely turn out fine in the end. *sleepless nights groans* it was like a roller coaster ride. inspired by the high blasts and fired up Excitatory Post Synaptic neurones of the brains of the academics dept after agm,

daunting, haunting me 3 wks b4 the prog and all of a sudden, plunging fast all the way down....... to a safe landing.. *sigh of relief* *i lost my mechanical pencil for the 5th time*i tink.

wouldnt have been able to do it without the amazing 19 other ppl in my committee. so thx guys! :)

n when the leap of faith landed me safe sound on the ground, i didnt stop to think before taking another leap into spiralling uncertainty.

why ar?

this might have sth to do with me being easily swayed when i make decisions. lol.

thankfully God's grace has been abundant enough to pull me through storms i walk into. n save me from tripping to embarrassment at the chindian shop a few days ago. :D

Easter is coming!

a little sense of accomplishment glows from within for completing a rojak-ed cacat-ed low quality but looks nice cz got lots of words and references lit review. lol.

cns and repro formative in 1 wk.

and finals in 2.

going home soon!!! :D

its starting.

its the start of ranting posts. n there'll be more to come.

stress is an understatement.

i keep telling myself that i will sumhow survive this and pass my exams and then look back at how i managed.

but well... that wasnt when i had horrible time management, a project in my hands in less than 2 weeks, more than 15 lectures i think to cover in 4 days, formative in 3 wks and a MES tmr that i definitely will not be able to finish bcz in order to answer to got 2 hav finished studying like 5 of those pharmacology notes whr every one of them is equivalent to 2 or 3 normal lectures.

what am i doing here then?

well just expressing hopelessness through media.

sigh.

so how

priorities priorities

its the only thing left when it comes down to making a deep hard decision

to determine once and for all, what IS the objective in the end.

because every objective, is achieved with a different step and decision. and the outcome is different.

we can try to compromise, but there is never a way, never, to please everyone in the end.

n u just hope ppl will understand, and see the way u see it. its the only way.


i realise as more and more critical decision making falls into your hands, the more ppl u will tend /be likely to hurt along the way. and it's inevitable. no1 likes making decisions that will hurt their friends or any1 for that matter. but it afterall, as said, boils down to..

Priorities.


which differ subjectively according to every individual.

thus making it harder to achieve a one way solution.

so in the end. some1's got to make the call. and it's not easy. but it has to be done.

phew....

denial, not reli an option

its that vicious cycle again.

busy / no time to study ---> worried but had an excuse to not study ---> later, free but not studying ---> no excuse to not study ---> extreme guilt ---> forces self to study Or continue living in denial.

i'm currently in the 'continue living in denial' state.

but by realising i'm in denial n feeling extremely despaired n guilt ridden n hopeless for it, rationality will soon pave its way in and make me start studying.

sigh...

i need a stress management kit. like. seriously...

lovely flowers. :)


feel stressed bout going home for cny.

as much as i cant wait to celebrate cny with my loved ones back home again this yr, the notion of being very behind in my studies is a nagging dominating factor coursing forwards from the back of my head.

i'm procrastinating bcz i keep having this feeling that i'll hav time to study during next wk's break, but at the same time i noe that is so not going to happen, and another vicious cycle ensues.

oh nooo.....

1 hard climb

i need to keep the momentum going in this module!

no matter how much i think i cant do it
or how hard it is to understand n rmb those terms
or how only i alone can study for myself n no 1 can help me

need super mega will power!

*if u're a medical student who hasnt entered neuroscience module, pls prepare mentally for hard times.