i reveled about 2009 just a few mins ago. while 2009 has been totally different from 2008, it was nonetheless a year of lessons and had its share of excitement.
it felt more mellow than 2008. 2008 was a yr of transitions. from leaving f6 --> part time job --> chilling b4 uni --> a leap into uni life. *crash*
then came 2009.
what exactly did i do? hrm.
its harder to rmb when they're less transitions. it was more of a yr of further enrichment, understanding friends better, building stronger bonds w ur chums (sounds like chewing gum) but come to tink of it, less transitions make u slightly complacent. u're in ur comfort zone, thr're less reasons to explore. perhaps?
contemplations from 2009:
A) how long lasting can passion be?
1. for a group of ppl. --> look at how volunteers give up their jobs n plunge into a life dedicated to serve the less fortunate. looks easy phps? ev1 noes its good to and would want to help sum1 if they could. doesnt seem hard to go to some disaster struck areas n give out aid and food. just throw in time and effort. ppl contribute differently. some more, some less. some in the form of energy, some by financial means.
give it a 2nd thought.
when i visited the YMCA's Deaf Centre in KL in 1st sem, it was a planned, 1 day visit sort of thing. it didnt bcum long term. i understood more about the hearing impaired now, but i didnt commit myself to help them after that.
i helped out w some schmates to tutor some children in my sem break. but it was a twice a week for 1 month kind of thing. at times i would drag myself thr bcz laziness sets in or thr could be other plans that're more interesting etc etc.. after experiencing it for myself n yeah, being surprised at myself for having to drag myself thr at times (the nagging guilt of 'u r so horrible to feel this way'), i realize its simplistic to say 'not helping ppl is bad'. sometimes its possible to get tired of helping ppl. it sounds selfish, but when u give it a try, u'll understand.
volunteers are not simply ppl who're too free or 'the naturally good helpful ppl' or 'passionate for that group' ppl.
they're there and STIL thr bcz, even when they get tired (just like any other human being), thr's STH that keeps them thr. maybe its religion, maybe its friendship or a sense of obligation. many reasons. u realise, even volunteers need support groups. my church sends out mission support groups to those who've planted churches in faraway regions like Kazakhstan or nearby local states like Kuantan. without support, volunteers can eventually lose their passion n give up.
so actually every little thing u do, counts. whether its a 1 day visit that encourages n bring refreshment to the volunteers themselves, or a long term commitment. hmm..
thr shud be a World Volunteers' Day to appreciate all those NGOs and volunteers who throw themselves into a lifetime of serving others. *salutations*
2) for an area of interest
eg. debating
some ppl continue bcz they aim to win, they noe they can and they're eventually moving up the ladder as time goes. some ppl r thr bcz of friendship. on my personal experience, very frankly speaking, i was thr in the beginning by God's grace that Lee Fang, Cher approached me n some friends, by the simple reason that i was looking for an avenue to converse in the language i'm most comfortable in after a culture transition entering uni.
i continued bcz of friendship, seniors' hopes and efforts training us and the surprising little bits of achievemt i obtained from it at 1st. come 2nd yr, of coz effort is proportionate to success. n i admit more effort would've brought me further in the debating arena, but thr come times when u revel if the current effort was worth it to begin with. its like, u make debating ur career n win, or u make debating part time n be contentent as a substandard speaker. kinda the in between not good enough but not too bad either. but even too maintain being a substandard speaker u need effort and time.
cant call it a gamble. bcz when i was truly down and contemplating if i shud just give up this passion, sum1 opened my eyes and made me see how much debating changed me. my confidence, my perspectives, my general knowledge and pushing urself to limits at times.
3) for God.
Christian lives are not all that smooth. we dun naturally have strong faith for everything everytime n everywhere. effort is needed to maintain a strong relationship w God. bcz like any relationships, its not a 1 way thing. both parties play a part. i've experienced the downsides when i pray less, hardly talk to God, hardly consult Him or letting Him into the things i do. n i slip away and forget how His presence even use to feel like.
but my care group members, and Christian friends become my support group and pull me back into God's embrace again n again. n i'm grateful for that. bcz passion for God isnt just a long term passion. it's an eternal passion. the strongest reason being, believing. Just believing.
its amazing that while its sth abstract, it's so strong.
B) has 2009 been a rollercoaster of emotions?
Yes! haha.
contributing factors?
1. on fun: exploring places w buddies. Sabah! Kuching! Taiwan! Bangkok!
2. on totally going against my own word: watching the Puteri Gunung Ledang musical (gosh feels like it was ages ago)
3. on slacking it away: like shopping n cny n movies n anything-dats-not-related-to-studying
4. on goals: doing a medical ppr for the 1st time, debating
5. on responsibilities: managing assignments as group leader
6. on exams: not reading questions properly and ended up failing that part lolz.
7. on going home: during study week haha! n falling sick then lol.
8. on semester transition: living in a single room, Cher starting work, friends being slightly far away, curriculum all system based, being a debate senior
closing that chapter. with bits n pieces of reminiscence still trailing out...
***
opening that new fresh leather bounded diary. 2010. :)
1 comment:
I have a distaste for New Years. Reasons? Read my blog. haha
The most cliche time of the year, in my opinion
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