Classic@l Phenomena

CNY 2012

2012-01-24T22:07:00.003+08:00

This chinese new year was no exception from previous years. Great family and friends moments, lots of catching up and consumption :P don't want it to end!

eileen, eve, pauline and amanda :P

nicole, pei, drey tan, jacq, leen, crystal, pauline and eve

with the adorable and super energized aunty mei yin :)

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! go on. soak in the atmosphere filled with clanging cymbals, chinese drums, mandarin oranges and fireworks. :P

It's Bugging Me

2012-01-18T14:13:00.002+08:00

Lo and BEHOLD the FLU BUG.
guarantees you a week of fever, muscle pain, runny nose and sorethroat.
infects those around you faster than you can say jolly-golly-wolly-lollipop.
makes you endure a wait at the clinic desperate to get medicine.
gives you the ultimate excuse to sleep and not study and procrastinate on ur case write up.
stops you from eating wonderful spicy food.

You're not gonna spoil my chinese new year.
Nevaaaa....!!

Unhooked

2012-01-09T19:52:00.000+08:00

Small announcement. a recent turn of events has resulted in my laptop being infected with a certain virus that replicates itself every time i use the internet. Facebook warned me not to sign in until i disinfect my laptop. therefore, i've solemnly cut myself off from Facebook from the past few days up to the chinese new year holidays - when i get to go home and reformat my laptop.

on a random but important note, AMSA Msia is bidding for AMSC 2013.

Support us by liking the facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/AMSC-2013-Malaysia-Bidding/272168376164412 :)

This is my roll, how about yours?

2011-12-31T11:44:00.000+08:00

2011 came and went. i wouldnt say it passed in a snap of fingers. it did feel like a long way. :) but looking down memory lane was fun. ending 3rd year in mid 2011 and reaching mid of 4th year at the end of 2011 makes it a wee bit harder to start 2012 with much new resolutions. but thr're much I am thankful for. :D

working with my best buddies, people in amsa and great family medicine dr.s and presenting our papers in eamsc, fmsc and the public health conf.

experiencing new culture and practices in a 3 week elective posting in Taiwan.

exploring new places with great buddies. from tanjung karang for public health posting, teluk intan, bangkok, the universal studios, spore to jb and segamat, taiwan, kuantan, seremban, borneo highlands and penang. each one an adventure of its own with great memories.

growing spiritually as i try out and take up more responsibilities in the church and life group. experiencing more of God in my ups and downs, trusting in His plans and in Him to deliver me.

meeting new friends, relatives and acquaintances through amsa, elective posting, conferences and in church.

being exposed to new medical postings and gaining more perspective on medical issues.

it was fun, maturing and enriching. :) every journey is a learning path.

2012's gonna involve getting through final year - which kinda scares me, but feels pretty enticing as well,

i havent decided what to do in my next 2 month break if i pass peads n ortho, maybe a small trip and volunteering in an NGO. :P

Year 2012 is the Year of the Holy spirit.

God is moving churches towards the prophesying movement. and we need to be still and to be sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. the new year goes into reading more christian books to increase my understanding of the work of God. when one is able to discern the work of the Holy Spirit and put their trust in God to do as He has prompted us, things work out more effectively and bear fruits. :) I want to grow in this area.

Happy 2012!

Ending 2011!

2011-12-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

Wonderful week with holiday frostings on the sides. :P had a greaaaaat! Christmas wkend after ending the peadiatrics exam and simply looking fwd to this long wkend again after the 1st week of orthopedics. *beams*

to date i've thought of some new year resolutions. 1 of which was inspired by Carmen when we were just talking about doctors and specialists in hospitals. i've always had a problem of inferiority complex when i'm in the hospital.

- it starts in 3rd year when u enter the hospital and ppl tell u that as a 3rd year medical student, ur position in the hierachy is equivalent to 1 being in a bottomless pit and you have no worth that microorganisms surpass u. lol. they tell u that no1 cares about u, u block the way in ward rounds, u ask stupid questions etc. u get the idea.

- n there's always a fear of offending some1 important (by important the definition varies) and having urself being blackmailed / fail in exams or being kicked out of medical school bcz its simply so easy to do that. as in, bcz medical knowledge is so vast, u can be asked simply anything under the sun in exams and if the examiner wants to fail you, its so easy to find reasons to do so.

- and bcz it's impossible to study everything and unfortunately i don't really have good retention of knowledge, i feel really inferior to senior dr.s who shoot questions at me and i can't answer and generally i feel really dumb.

so... yeah. omg this has turned into a rant. i'll keep in short.

in short, a way to keep ur self esteem leveled and to not be talked down to is, to talk to ppl at the same level in the first place. if u talk up to ppl, they sense u feel inferior, and they tend to talk down to you. making u feel even more inferior.

conclusion: Talk at the same level to ur superiors.

i tried it out. and boy, does it work. not to the extent that i suddenly magically command respect from superiors xD but it helps me stay confident. and i have less fear. having confidence is sth really important to stay sane and happy in medical school. and perhaps later in life and in any other fields of course. *beams* thanks Carmen.

so that was new year resolution no.1. :D to stay confident.

new year resolution no.2 goes into spending more time to develop myself spiritually.

no.3 goes into no i gave up on the 'i will lose weight' resolution cz it never works. xD

so no.3 goes into hmm ok i'm stumped. this shall come later. :P

awesome Christmas weekend with my church youth. recently we just launched our new NGO, called My3K (no not at all linked to 1Malaysia or any gov propaganda hehe). the NGO works on giving free public health screening - esp to rural areas, mobile clinic style in collaboration with the National Kidney Foundation & National Glaucoma Society and to be a medium for the depressed/single mothers/pregnant teenagers to obtain help. so here we are in our centre in Setapak. :) a group photo of the volunteers after the health screening.

organised a Christmas party with Alain, Mei Mei, Alisa and Siaw Khing.

and got to meet up with Cher! :D

orthopedics has been pretty interesting. i dreaded the thought of bones and metal stuffs at 1st but its more interesting than i thought. hehe! tho there's the constant dread of having to wake up in the wee hours of the morning (groans....) to cover beds for ward rounds..

ward rounds can be an interesting time for observation. among our topics of discussion (betwn just the medical students la xD): who's better looking? Dr. X or Y; did that dr. wear the same shirt as yesterday?; crap all these dr.s are so DAMN HUGE (tall or horizontally) - in between the proper discussion which goes on among the dr.s. heeh.

another long wkend! yay! orthopedic surgeons are generally very nice and easy going. the only part is their high probability of postponing or cancelling classes with u last minute when they get whisked off to emergency operations.. strike 3 in just today itself: 1 lcd projector refused to work in a 7.15am class, and 2 other surgeons cancelled class after a 1 hour wait. sobs.

ok. enough ranting. :D all the best in coming up with awesome new year resolutions!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-23T08:28:00.002+08:00

short case over, the Christmas mood is up! nola actually my christmas mood was on the moment the sales and shopping started :P no short case is gonna ruin my christmas wkend. it was pretty traumatising that when i lay in bed last night it started coming back to me. everyone's got their 1st (traumatising short case) i suppose and it's my turn now. sigh.

aaaanyhooo, got a number of errands to run b4 starting class next wk. hav2 get the hp serviced (yeah the bluetooth and wireless went dead -i dunno why, i dont rmb dropping my phone (that badly)?) but at last thr's still a waranty. got2 get a memory card for my camera. lost it since last hols and couldnt take any pictures since. :S and gotta get a number of academics stuff settled.

minus the activities keeping ppl up and about this whole wkend, it's nice to wake up at your own pace to a nice sunny morning and just totally go online bcz that's what life is about. kidding :P but yeah what else do u do in ur room once u wake up other than going online for entertainment. for me at least. surfing and listening to random christmas songs for now :)

this is simply heart warming :)

i explored The Piano Guys a bit, and being a biiiiiiiitttt of a star wars geek, i found this vid, kinda wacky :P

have not thought about my 2012 resolutions. hmmm..... have a week to think.

so when u wish others Merry Christmas, what does it really mean? i was pondering upon that for a brief moment. then i concluded that it simply means, have a week filled with love, joy and peace brought by Christ into the world. *sigh of contentment* b4 u step back into the reality of exams, work, stress, let's just sit back relax and enjoy a wkend of escapade with our loved ones. :)

Merry Christmas!

Sanctuary

2011-12-17T13:45:00.001+08:00

7 weeks in Peadiatrics posting, and i think i caught the gist of childcare and overcame the awkwardness of facing children. gist though i said, not the whole package. but a whiff that's substantial enough to bring back home from the wards.

seeing children with chronic diseases makes you appreciate what you had in your childhood. and u kind of get the idea of what your parents had to go through raising u up (to ur twenties). man. *wipes sweat.

there were children w thalassaemia who had to go the hospital every month to get blood transfusion.

children who stayed in the wards for weeks for serious lung disease.

mothers taking care of their children with cerebral palsy- they grow to normal adult sizes but can't talk/walk/self care so they're wheelchair/bed bound.

parents with syndromic children.

parents with special children. seeing all these cases opens your eyes.

in the management of ill children, a huge bulk of it is in managing the parents emotionally, psychologically, socially. u got to really talk to the parents. understand their background, education level, occupation, financial limitations, how many other children they have, can they cope with bringing their child to the hospital every month, are they able to give enough attention to the sick child, do they have good family support.

i encountered a mother with 4 children with bronchial asthma: has 8 inhalers in the house. and she's got 2 make sure all her children take the inhaler puffs everyday twice a day. (i'd have gone bonkers if i had more than 5 inhalers ard my house)

a mother resigned from her job and committed herself to go to school and change diapers for her child everyday during his recess time. he has spina bifida (paralysed waist down including bladder control). other than physical needs, she's gotta deal with the child's emotional needs. bcz other than the paralysis, his IQ is normal. he's like any other children, who have peer pressure, the fear of being an outcast, self esteem issues etc. imagine urself to be the only person in the school wheelchair bound, and ur mother comes to change ur diapers for u everyday. it can be humiliating for him. and its not easy for the mother. but she's his motivator and stronghold. bcz she knows the moment she gives up, he gives up on himself. she's 1 strong woman. *salute

i imagine how mothers/fathers in the hospital feel when they see other babies around them growing and developing normally, talking, crawling while their 1 year old child looks different, doesnt talk, doesnt respond to them bcz she's syndromic. of course they love their child. but its not easy.

the emotional and psychological aspects are strong hard huge parts. and dr.s need to know how to handle and address them. it's all pretty overwhelming. i am moved whenever i see mothers taking care of their child with cerebral palsy. at least when we see how much the mother cares for the child, we know the child is in good hands.

the other side in peads:

newborns. cutesie adorable newborns. they suckle at reflex when u put anything into their mouth. teehee.

the art of coaxing babies? maybe just 60% there atm. kids love squeaky balls. babies love rattles. but if any1 starts crying, quickly give them back to their parents and runnn! unless u're in an exam. then u're trapped. xP

having a short case next wk. keeping fingers crossed for a happy wont-cry baby.

this is a rant

2011-10-30T16:32:00.000+08:00

it's one of those times that you don't particularly have anything to write about, u thought u might wana write about sth, but decided nvm. tmr marks the start of my 2nd semester. i couldnt help but wake up today with a gripping fear of the thought of starting Peadiatrics posting for the next 8 wks after hearing countless horror stories and dying sighs and laments from fellow coursemates who have gone through it in the last semester. then again, it is pretty exciting to start a new posting, this 1 dealing with children in particular. i've never been really good with kids, i mean, i think they're cute and fun to play with, but there's stil a kinda sense of awkwardness when i approach them. like, umm, hi...! (awkward smile no? grin no? umm play with me no?) what shud i do...??! err... yeah. u get what i mean. but aaaanyway, let's not lament further about something i havent even stepped into. i should give myself a chance. heh.

the past week was a real holiday :) went to penang, had a great time eating all those penang food i've been missing for the past 5 years. no regrets :P visited my uncle there and stayed on penang hill for a night at his place. awesome escapade..

managed to lost my phone again this year, this time in the operating theatre changing room. last year it was in the maternal delivery room. the heartbreak healed eventually. goodbye Nokia 2690. truly faithful and hardy. thank God for the spare Nokia 1203 i had for my ex-number ok that was wrong i meant my old hp number which has expired. survived with it for the last 3 wks or so. n finally got myself a Samsung galaxy mini this hols. its a shame i couldnt find a phone with both touch screen plus keypad at a kiam siap price with wifi access and android. lol such demands. anw its pretty ok i guess. rm499 from a samsung booth at sg. wang. ok who wants to know what phone i'm using i am seriously ranting unnecessarily now.

and... yeah i successfully created a rant to post. goodbye... holidays, hello... peads!

Wkend of much worth

2011-09-25T21:41:00.001+08:00

this weekend of sorts has been most fulfilling.
after finishing my mini clinical exam in the eye clinic, we set off to meet some of our seniors who were most dear to us who have just graduated. it was pretty fun seeing them throw their graduation hats and all. :P nice to catch up a bit but we didnt stay long.

went to the VC cup tournament in Bangi which was being held for the 1st years. it had been really long since i set foot in debate training or any meet up, 1 whole year to be exact. i have to thank kevin, john and prethivan for asking me to go to this tournament. i previously felt it would be awkward for me to reappear, but it wasnt like that. in fact, it was rather warm. and i had a good time meeting debate friends whom i have not met for such a long time. i'd missed them. a lot. the non sensical jokes, chatter, rounds of group board games and sharing life with one another, the intensity of debates requiring one to think quick, analyse and have adequate common sense and general knowledge. the positive stress and adrenaline rush wasnt in the picture this time round though because we were just there as adjudicators. the 1st years were the ones going through the real stress. :P it was really pleasant to adjudicate rounds, give structured oral adjudication and feedback on debate rounds with the 1st years. i had nearly forgotten how it was like being a debater. this experience of course doesnt sum everything up, it was just a little taste of it that flooded back warm memories and gave me some self worth or so called morale boost i thought i had lost in my ability to provide input in the club. anw, i had a really enjoyable time and i'm proud of the 2nd year trainers (and huge gratitude to dinosaurs too of course) and the 1st years who made it through the tournament. Yay to KTSN winning the VC Cup this year. :D cheers! the heart still has a special spot for ktsn, the place i grew the most. =)

in the midst of the hype of graduations and debate, a precious life was lost. heard the news of a student who took his own life by jumping from a hospital building in his hometown few days ago. it was a manifestation of a chronic psychiatric disorder. he had debated in last year's vc cup and had joined my church shortly last year. for those who knew him, do pray for his family members that they may have peace and rest in the grieve of losing their son.

had a warm fellowship with my life group members.
had a pleasant early birthday song surprise from the debaters. and a card of indescribable awesomeness. :D
had an impactful sunday service.
got an adorable sheep.

looking forward to anaesthetics posting tmr. canulla setting challenge ahead! :P

Merdeka

2011-08-29T09:52:00.002+08:00

It was just a few days ago that I rmbed saying 'Owh! I didnt realise National Day's next week!' nah. just another day. most of us probably lost the sense of excitement for National Day since our primary sch days (for me at least). in primary sch, it was the excitement of having a school holiday, switching on and sitting in front of the tv the entire morning, watching as the prime minister and DYMM YDP Agong arrive, seeing the grandiosity of the whole occasion with smartly dressed troops standing in attention, etc.. and my favourite part: the parade and the coloured smoke jets :D

well now, the excitement has definitely diminished if not disappeared. the celebration is seen as a superficial cover over many many issues thrown ard in the political scene, and most ppl dont feel the pride of freedom from foreign rule our leaders achieved 54 years ago anymore.

my church had a Merdeka special service yesterday morning. this video was being shown. i guess videos have a way of illustrating and bringing u back to the moment in time, thousands of times better than pictures or words alone. If you have not clicked on the video to watch it, watch it first. :)

as i sat watching the documentary, still in black and white, seeing the stadium bursting with Malaysians of all races, seeing the Union Jack being brought down, Tunku Abdul Rahman leading the multitude of ppl declaring 'Merdeka!' echoed by thousands and thousands of proud, united Malaysians, i felt a pang of pride. mixed with a little guilt for taking many things for granted in this country. You could just imagine yourself being one of them dressing ur best and marching off to the stadium that morning with a whole throng of ppl u probably didnt know, but as u walked along, u smiled at each other because deep down, u shared sth in common.

As I stood up to sing the National Anthem, I wondered, when was the last time I stood up to sing the National Anthem with all my heart.

This might seem naive and idealistic to some of you, but deep down, you know that you're a proud Malaysian, and there is no other place in the world besides here, that you can truly call home.

It's time we count our blessings and pray for this country. :)

Lessons

2011-08-24T17:46:00.004+08:00

i learnt two important lessons today.

1. you might think that the person you dislike is the worst, most egoistic, sexist, most horrible person you have met ever. but that person ends up teaching you something important.

speaking from a very very recent experience. i disliked certain authorities. to the point i had to stop myself from rolling my eyes every time i had a glimpse of the person. i thought he was evil, arrogant, annoying, well you get my point. but his nature of putting excessive sarcasm and mental torture into his speech made me learn something that was pretty important today that i think i will remember for the rest of my life. lol. i still do not really like him now, but the level of resentment has dived far down.

so think about it. your foes make you a better person. deep down, i know that a reason i dislike him is also my own problem of self ego. heheh. :P

2. a friend quoted her dad's words to me. And this is what he said.

"If someone brags about himself to you, he has all the right to do so because in fact, he IS better than you."

Many ppl might disagree. but when you think about it, it's true. and the only way you can make the other person stop bragging is to work harder and become better than him.

It's a form of motivation. even though not in the nicest way. hehe.

So.... don't hate your enemies. love them for how they build you up and make you a better person. :)

1 week of Raya holidays coming! Selamat Hari Raya to my Muslim friends! and as the holidays start, The Mugging Returns.. i am going to miss ent posting very much. Have never met so many awesome friendly amazing teachers of doctors. :D

Stressed. Very Much.

2011-08-14T16:49:00.003+08:00

Stressed. It is an understatement.

The mind filled with it.

The air reeking with it.

The timetable staring back at me screams of it.

Adrenaline pumping because of it. Reserves emptying fast.

If I were at the seaside I would love to give a good loud scream to let it all out and not have people around me thinking I was mad.

Oh God help me.

as series of tales unfold

2011-08-06T23:07:00.003+08:00

the reason people indulge so much in tv shows, esp tv series is because it brings them into a world of unreality. it takes them from reality, aka their problems, work, decisions, and let them put their hope into sth that has an ending as the tales unfold series after series. no one likes to watch the Last episode of the season because it leaves you with a question mark, an unfinished end, Or, it brings you back to life, hits you in the face saying, now get back to reality. face that mount of assignment you need to finish, the monday blues at work every week, the tense relationship you have with that colleague, the harrowing deadlines and demands that need to be fulfilled. a parallel to a syndrome faced by many at the end of a long holiday. fun under the sun replaced with the furl of the world.

oh no maybe its not everyone. just those who get addicted to tv series and when you finish that last episode you get a horrible withdrawal. but you got to admit that everyone needs their share and dose of daydreams and charming fantasies in wonderland at times. not to the point of literally living in it and developing delusions of course.

how do you soften the bump when one lands from a high leap from dreamworld back onto soil? the impulse tells us to watch another set of tv series. the leveled head tells us to open the books and start prepping for what is to come. guilt sets in. fear builds in. the worker takes a hesitant step towards the tractor. the step multiplies. momentum sets in. shuffles turn into strides. the tractor starts running. as soil is churned, seeds are sown, plants watered, flowers bloom, it hits. reality in itself is and can be beautiful too. uh... uh.... put those tv series away....

i wonder if the above made sense to anyone.

Awe

2011-08-03T14:53:00.005+08:00

Who would

Spend the entire night trimming coconut tree leaves with a knife to get the middle portion we call 'Lidi' for my boat house model art project in form2.

Search shops for double layered crepe paper and puppet eyes for my doll art project.

For my rocket project in form4, cruise around town looking for shops selling bicycle pump needles cz i kept breaking each of them, buy a brand new silicon gun and a huge bottle of silicon from the hardware store, find tons of plastic bottles for me to trial and error, drive to the nearby park early in the morning with a tank of water and metal measuring tape to test run the plastic water rocket.

Scour bushes, trees, grass, any area with plants u name it for locusts / bugs for my form6 biology project / lab work.

Drive all the way to the bookstore to photocopy a few pages of pictures i needed for class the next day js bcz i was last minute in primary sch.

Spend the entire day scouring through Airline magazines for pictures of leaves and plants cz i needed super a lot of them for my artwork collage in pri4. (thr wasnt Google back then)

Drive and accompany me to the Tugu Pahlawan (the 1 in kch at the museum park) to take like just 5 photos and to the museum to look for catalogues on Fort Margheritta for my history project in form1.

Pack lunch and drive all the way to school when i had around the clock band practice. Wait in the car in agony when practices end late.

Search like crazy for a particular caterpillar stuffed toy i crazily wanted in malls when i was a kid cz at that time the tv was advertising them like no1's business. (Blame the tv)

Walk to the nearby discount store and back to surprise me with a stuffed toy i wanted so badly that i went ballistic (lol) even tho it costed quite a bomb. okay i was in pri4 that time n i still have that stuffed toy til today.

Patiently teach me to ride a bicycle by taking the trouble to make me a 3-wheel bicycle by removing 1 trainer wheel so that i had a backup trainer wheel lol.

Buy me princessy dresses in kindergarten.

Rush me to the hospital for stitches when i swung on the clothes line support bar like a monkey, flew and hit my chin on the ground in pri3.

my gosh even reading this is tiring.

I wouldn't have been able to do all that for a single person.

But mum and dad did.

Wow. realise i was quite a ma fan kid.. sheepish grin.

the brass band

2011-07-30T22:11:00.003+08:00

as if i wasnt torn enough, blogspot had to erase my entire blog post about me emo-ing about missing the finals of the world marching band competition which was just 500m away from me in a stadium opposite the hospital where i'm staying. it was going on every night for the entire week but i didnt know. sobs. :S

to cut the whole illustration short, it brought back reminiscence from the past. days of playing in the symphonic brass band back in secondary sch. the tingling sensation, the little shock waves that run through your body as you play in sync, instruments coming together to create rhythm, tunes, music, life. the majesty of a fanfare, the serenity of a sentimental tune, the upbeat pop song, things that just make u wana tap ur feet, nod ur head, sway or sing in ur heart (since u cant sing out loud with a mouthpiece at your lips :P) the wave of the conductress' baton (Laura!) , the drum roll that commands instrument up, the adrenaline surge as the song reaches its climax or as all instruments blast in the finale.

awesome feeling. :D

hope to be able to catch next year's one then. *Hopeful*

end of posting

2011-07-29T15:43:00.004+08:00

Had my last class in Psychiatry today. Had a pleasant surprise :D

Got an adorable funny bunny bookmark from Dr Hazli for answering a question non-really-but-close-to-correctly. XD

For some weird reason I felt inclined to say Meow when looking at its adorable face.

For another weird reason the bunny doesn't have a tail.

Had an interesting 8 weeks in Psychiatry with Prof Hamid. All psychiatrists are super nice, patient, pleasant and did i mention, nice? grins.

It's the end of posting! Heading back to Kuching on sunday night. for a week.

After that Hello Ear Nose Throat, Eyes, Anesthetics! :D

Eww Working Emails?

2011-07-29T00:09:00.005+08:00

rmb the last time you threw your hands into the air in frustration bcz ppl didnt respond to your panicky emergency email requiring them to complete a task?

or the time you felt ppl were irresponsible or incompetent for not doing things the way you expected them to?

or felt like you could have done a job like 100 times better than a person?

or had pent up feelings of anger or frustration or resentment towards some1 (worst still if that person was your close friend) bcz of certain habits you couldn't put up with any longer?

So you're thinking, What in the world is wrong with these ppl??? (while trying not to pull out the remaining hairs left on your head)

What do all these things have in common?

Lack of communication.

Whose fault isit?

Both parties, but particularly yours bcz for all you know (and you know very well), the other person has no idea that you felt that way. If they did, it's human nature to not address it if you don't mention anything cz ev1 wants to avoid a confrontation.

I some-sort had a realization today.

In the past, when I organized a programme, I used to send out work emails bcz I thought I saved ev1's time by having less meetings. If I had meetings, I kept them short and straight to the point.

problem was: Hardly any1 responded to those emails / got things done by the due date. I was wondering why was it so hard for ppl to check emails / reply with a 'Noted' that only takes up like less than 10 secs of their life when they can update their Facebook statuses daily.

I thought ppl were being irresponsible and hence I resorted to writing work emails in a menacing way. (at least what I thought sounded scary enough to make ppl reply or start work).

But obviously bcz ppl can choose not to respond cz you're not staring at them face to face, it didn't really work either.

The only solution: Long meetings that require going through the most detailed of details to make sure things turn out properly. Sounds real horrible and life threatening.

Now being on the other end, with me being the one receiving the work email from some1, I now come to understand how other ppl felt when I sent them lengthy work emails.

1. It was hard to maintain attention span esp reading through details of what I was supposed to do.

2. It was harder to rmb the sequence of events (of a programme)- written down. as opposed to it being explained to u verbally.

3. It was also tough rmbering what other ppl were in charge of, esp if the list is super long.

4. It was easy to get distracted by Facebook and other more fun things.

5. When work emails demand for a feedback, it was easier to ignore the email than to squeeze out brain juice to think of a feedback or ways of improvement and reply.

and my feedback to the person sending the work email would be to:

- Have a meeting to brief everyone face to face.

- Get feedbacks face to face when ev1 is forced to think on that spot.

- Unless you really trust the person to be able to read ur mind and know what you want, go through details together with him/her. Details details details.

I admit that in the past the way I sent work emails were neither efficient nor productive. esp when the group is large or when you do not know your members well enough.

If I have ever caused any1 much pain due to the way I worked, much apologies. :P

Still.... working on improving communication. afterall, every1's still learning as they grow.

Tho of course work emails + minimal meetings are extremely effective when you know that every single person in the group (usually a small group) is really responsive, responsible and committed to what they're doing. :)

And in some particular experiences it is true that certain group members simply do not care and are inherently and impossibly irresponsible. so comes the art of getting them to get things done on time. tho frustrating, maybe it trains us to develop creativity and tolerance to the last straw. >8P

Now that only talks about working in a group.

About internalized negativity towards ur close friend(s), it's another story.

Nonetheless, the keyword is communication.

We all struggle in this area, one time of another, regardless of how good of a speaker (we think) we are or how good our EQ is.

So pray for courage. And words of wisdom. :)

Yay. The End.

=(

2011-07-26T20:25:00.003+08:00

I.just.realised.that.I.caused.all.the.photos.on.my.blog.to.be.deleted.

when i deleted the photo album that housed all my blog photos on Google Plus few wks back, thinking I didnt want a log of photos on my Google Plus account.

the mystery of all disappearing photos on my blog is solved.

but I AM EXTREMELY FLABBERGASTED.

i dunno if I should just blame myself for not realising that would happen.

blame Google Plus for not giving a clearer word of caution. (maybe they did but i didnt realise??)

all my previous posts' photos gone. gone. gone down the drain....

where else but to lament about it here?

*heartbroken* :(.... even that is an understatement. :(....

The Unspoken

2011-07-25T16:25:00.004+08:00

Language. By far the most essential tool for communication, to express thoughts, get what you need, get what you want, spread love, care, peace , provoke, poke fun, create parodies, in short, sth we cant do without.

the main ingredient needed in that recipe of communication is:

Being able to understand each other.

Not the deep understanding of feelings and all, but basically just simply understanding what the other person is saying.

In other words, i just had a language barrier crisis this morning.

Felt extremely helpless talking (if you call that talking) to an elderly Chinese lady who could only speak Cantonese (the full blown fluent Cantonese). she could understand a bit of Mandarin thank goodness. She was in the psychiatric ward on a wheelchair and i wanted to talk to her to ask her how she was doing, what brought her there, if she was ok. and basically to just be an ear for her in case she was lonely.

the outcome:

i solemnly vow to BUCK UP MY FREAKING CANTONESE AND HOKKIEN!!

poor aunty was lamenting her concerns and worries (i think) and all i could do was to nod my head, smile, show concerned and emphatic looks and make agreeing sounds (Mmm) and ask her about herself in mandarin in when i thought were the appropriate times.

ARGH! i could just slap myself for not actively learning up those dialects in my whole previous clinical year.

it's still not too late i guess.

Plans:

1. Force my friends to speak cantonese to me.

2. Download important cantonese and hokkien phrases from the net.

Anymore ideas? :P

to or not to

2011-07-14T13:28:00.005+08:00

life's made of massive decision making. every single thing you do results from signals that course through your cortex. will there be a time when u get tired of thinking, and all you do is to stare into space and make yourself think you're not thinking. but there you are. that's also thinking. ok what in the world am i thinking now.

some decisions are too large, too hard to make or just plain vague and we can choose to:

1. take that radical step to make a decision after we have analysed things through.

2. continue to be in denial and 'see how things go'.

3. get another person to make the decision for you. (this usually never works lol)

datelines prompt us to (finally) make our decision.

so if there're no datelines... how now brown cow?

you're disturbed by the thought itself.

you do other things to distract urself from it, but it comes back to you over and over again.

annoying really, because of its chronic course.

you're unsure of things.

should i? should i not?

ahhh forget it. 'see how things go'

but that annoying thought still lingers.

maybe there'll come a point when we can take it no longer and we'll be forced to decide. and we'll close our eyes, trust our instincts and muster all courage to move on.

why in the world did i just write that? what was i thinking? ?

silence

2011-07-08T21:08:00.003+08:00

we can't speak but we know we share a sense of togetherness. we can't write but it's definitely stirring deep down in our hearts. how long can physical barriers hold. a dam can only hold that much water. when the pressure is too much there will be cracks and it'll finally burst. surely they know. is it their denial that continues to garner such actions. I can only pray.

Overcoming Addiction

2011-06-23T16:12:00.008+08:00

i didn't mean for this blog to be filled with so much healthcare related stuff, but it seems like most of my inspirations / ideas to write come from there. pardon me. :)

i had an attachment at the Methadone Clinic this morning. it's a clinic where people with problems in drug addiction voluntarily come and seek treatment. They are assessed by a doctor and prescribed with Methadone, which is a drug that is chemically similar to Opioids (eg. Heroin, Morphine) but harmless. (relatively) it helps them combat the withdrawal symptoms of not taking say Heroin anymore and slowly wean off the addiction.

now when u think 'Drug Addicts' what comes to ur mind would be (well for most of us at least) shabby unkempt looking immoral hopeless criminals who in no way should be associated to us. in a less harsh way, it's pretty hard to be compassionate for this group of ppl.

do they deserve to be shunned by society?

can they control their addiction if they had immense will power?

who asked them to start taking drugs in the 1st place anw? it's their problem. is it?

Drug addicts caught by the police used to be thrown into cells and left 'cold turkey'. meaning, left to suffer the effects of drug withdrawal such as bodily pain, feeling as if a thousand needles were poking through ur body, u can roll around in agony take off all ur clothes and u would still feel that intense burning pricking pain that wont go away for all mercy. there would be secretions flowing out from ur nose and ur eyes tear non stop. u feel like u have no ounce of energy left in ur body to move. in more severe cases, they start vomiting and have diarrhea and start shaking.

I used to picture all these in fear, feeling slightly sorry for them but not really feeling much empathy.

There is another perspective to this.

Drug addiction is a disease. An illness, that requires treatment. Just as how ppl brought obesity to themselves by overeating and lacking exercise, or bringing lung cancer onto themselves by smoking cigarettes out of their fingers, drug addicts were thrown into this desperate abysmal, unable to climb out due to a wrong step in their past. perhaps due to immaturity / curiosity / lack of moral judgement / multifactorial stress etc.

In other words, leaving people with drug addiction problems to die with this problem / refusing to help them is inhumane.

To expect them to completely put a halt to this drug abuse would be like asking yourself not to sleep for 3 days. ok poor illustration. lol. but u get what i mean. the drugs affect a person's mental condition. and unfortunately ur mind is what controls ur body. so when ur mind goes haywire, so does ur body and its a whole vicious cycle.

The Methadone replacement therapy helps them to overcome the addiction. But not entirely so they still have to have self discipline and want to help themselves overcome it in order for it to work. The dose is slowly tapered off, however, it takes years for a person to completely overcome the addiction. They visit the clinic daily for a dose of methadone, a pink liquid that they gulp down in front of the pharmacist. those who're more stable are allowed to take home let's say 2 or 3 days of supply.

now this was a new aspect of humanity to me. i always thought of methadone clinics being a programme. not so afterall. it's a treatment. there's a difference if u get what i mean.

the downside though is that Methadone only helps Opioid addiction. for other drugs like Amphetamine, Benzodiazepine, Cocaine, Cannabis etc, there isnt yet a solution. in future perhaps hopefully. :)

it's a social phenomenon. we dont want it but it exists. and its rampant. prevention and cure needs to come hand in hand. and the best way to treat it is in a humane way.

nothing in particular

2011-06-18T19:00:00.009+08:00

its... one of those wkends whr u get really idle and the internet line is really slow and u wonder how ppl in the past managed to get through days without the internet.

now try imagining life without this almighty entertainment information networking provider (to me).

1. Hackers would be out of jobs and probably working on sth that might actually benefit the world.

like making the world's largest strawberry cake.

2. Your stamp album collection continues to grow with snail mail.

3. Your weekends would be filled with outdoor activities instead of talking and laughing in front of a screen and checking your facebook news feed every 5 mins.

4. He/She would have a hard time finding out if she/he's single or attached.

5. Less chances to spread hate mail and defame someone.

6. The Nyan Cat, the annoying orange and Rebecca Black would never really be famous.

7. University students would have to spend their life in the library to get an assignment done.

8. I might just get a pet.

kidding.

9. Phone bills would either rocket sky high or phone calls become free because they become a mega huge life necessity.

10. I would be exercising for fun.

nah. boring.

Now the above are just random thoughts, some merely exaggeration, obviously not done with proper prior research and just my way of spending 15 mins on a saturday evening for self entertainment. apologies for lack of substance and analysis.

the internet line in my campus is horriblyyyyyy slowwwwwww.................. (every page needs to be refreshed 3 times to get the whole thing to load)

i cant wait to go siew pao hunting in seremban :D audrey teo ju yeng tan ek guan norfaidhi akram shalisha jaelyn hehehehehe ok xuvin shaddap.

How far would you go.

2011-06-18T00:07:00.003+08:00

this week's clinic touched me emotionally. i'll keep it short.

at the child and adolescent psychiatry clinic,

- thr was a case whr distraught parents came in with their 9 year old daughter who was really adorable, friendly, happy but unable to talk / read / recognize alphabets, communicating only by making certain audible sounds and hand gestures. they had flown in all the way from Brunei for a 2nd opinion, with some hope, for a diagnosis and some form of treatment. they left knowing that their child might just never ever be able to talk. bcz the success of speech therapy esp at such a late age is subjective.

- parents coming in with both children having autism and both parents suffering from depression due to financial problems and being unable to cope with taking care of their children. thr were many other cases with children suffering from depression and mental retardation, attention deficit disorder etc.

i tried imagining hw life would be like if i was the parent.

i was awed and touched by the love they displayed for their child.

in the adult psychiatry clinic, i watched elderly parents bringing in their sick adult child with schizophrenia / depression / bipolar, stories of aggression at home, the child screaming at the parents to get out of the house, suicidal tendencies, caused by noncompliance to treatment. the elderly parent kept reassuring his son it'll be alright, we're with you, we'll always be with you, dont worry.

it was really something. imagine one of your family members suffering from a mental illness. it takes a lot of love to commit yourself to care for them for a lifetime. bcz these sort of illnesses usually relapse and are chronic. they cant be 100% cured with medication. and lots of patients are not compliant to medication bcz of their side effects like drowsiness, abdominal upset, insomnia etc. some of them also cause addiction.

this kind of love is really amazing.

Cause of Death was?

2011-06-11T00:15:00.007+08:00

today's class opened up another window for thought.

Medico-legalism. in the world of Forensics.

Ensuring you're protected.

Affording yourself protection.

(just a word of caution that the word dead and death will be mentioned numerously in this post. hope it doesnt cause uneasiness)

Doing an autopsy as a forensic specialist doesnt start with dissecting a patient - a body i mean. saying a patient sounds like he/she's alive.- and using all your years of expertise to analyse the cause of death and injuries on / in the body and then writing the autopsy report. This part, would be what most of us think as the most important part or the part that matters most. Determining / Confirming the cause of death.

Nope. Not really as I thought.

It starts with:

the Dr. in charge correctly identifying the person to be dead.

so i thought: ok that should be easy.

and then the Dr. asked: So, tell me, how do you know a person is realllllyyy dead?

*hmmmm.... awkward silence..

Answer:

There're 7 criterias that confirms a person to be dead:

1. No body movement

2. No respiration

3. No pulse / heart beat

4. Pupils fixed and dilated

5. Fragmentation of column of blood in retinal vessels

6. Primary flaccidity of limbs

7. ECG flat for more than 5 minutes continuously.

Misjudging the death of a person can bring a Dr. to face lawsuit. even pronouncing a person to be dead at the wrong time can bring you to court.

(most of us would think, sure, if a Dr. wrongly pronounced some1 who's still alive as being dead, that would be a really grave mistake that acceptably warrants a court case)

i do agree with that. but there're more technical things that we can worry about as well.

there was a case whr the Dr. clinically judged (without ECG) that a person was dead before arriving at the Hospital (as in he was dead already at the crime scene before being brought to the Hospital). the Dr. did, upon the arrival of the victim at the hospital, confirm his death with the ECG (showing the flat line).

later in court, the Dr. was bombarded by defense lawyers (of the suspected murderer) who tried to make the Dr. look incompetent for saying that he thought the person was dead before reaching the hospital.

with the reason that he couldnt be 100% sure of that (whether the victim was dead before reaching, or upon reaching the hospital) cz his clinical judgement cannot beat that of an ECG machine.

yups...

ok maybe that was quite confusing.

but conclusion is: be especially careful if u're facing a homicidal case. only officially confirm death when the ECG machine is there.

standard protocol when pronouncing death.

1. check that patient has fulfilled the 7 criterias. report as 'clinical death'.

2. reconfirm the death 1 hour later. then only register the death with time of death being the time 1 hour earlier.

before this bores u to the bones, thr's more. :P

Before performing the autopsy:

1. Ensure the police officer bringing in the body, the relative / next of kin of the body (is there for identification purpose and consent for autopsy) and yourself are there beside the body.

2. snap a photo where all can be seen clearly.

(to protect urself from false claims by the relative that he was not aware or explained to about the autopsy. relatives have tried suing Dr.s, accusing them of performing autopsy without their knowledge)

3. snap a photo of the next of kin looking with opened eyes at the body.

(eyes cannot even be closed in the photo cz in court they can say they were in too much stress to correctly identify the body and u as the Dr. who's not in apparent stress at that moment is at fault) - in cases of suing the Dr. for wrong identification of body.

now i think i just made the 'relative' sound like unethical ppl who would do anything to swindle ur $$ by suing you in court at any opportunity. no offense. not my intention at all.

but things like that have happened before. (innocent Dr.s performing autopsy, forgetting a protocol, ending up in court and swindled from their life savings) and can / is likely to happen in today's society where things do get screwed up, ill moral is everywhr and $$ matters a lot to most of us.

putting legal issues aside, i'd say that the forensic lectures did feel a little like watching the Professor analyse dead bodies CSI style.

wow. quite awed. but quite grossed out as well. lol >8P

wasnt mentally prepared to see images of mangled / strangled / suicidal remains esp right b4 dinner.

ok. that aside as well, it's been a pretty good week. 1st week in psychiatry has been relatively relaxing cz no assignments/presentations/case write ups due yet. missed home and taiwan so much last monday but the feeling has somewhat diminished. thank goodness. hav a great wkend ev1! :)

some photos: my housemates in our 4-person sharing unit in the taiwan hospital hostel (min jie, pei sun, wendy)

a group photo in front of the administrative office. the white coats for medical students are this length. residents@registrars wear slightly longer 1s, and specialists wear knee-length white coats like our med students ones back in Msia.

come to think of it, thats a pretty good way to differentiate ranks which can be really confusing for patients. hehe. sometimes patients wonder how come 10 different Dr.s visited them in 1 morning when in actual case 9 of them were medical students. heheh.

Rants

2011-06-05T19:01:00.003+08:00

i'm in a mess. i'm not sure if i should emo about

1. missing taiwan- the friends, the serenity, the people, the shopping, my cousin and his wife penny, the hospital, the friendly dr.s and staff

2. starting the term tmr - tho i'm quite excited about starting psychiatry cz its an entirely different posting and quite interesting. just that missing taiwan kinda kill joyed the excitement of starting this new posting.

3. the absurdness of msian issues - the Obedient Wives Club promoting sex classes to enable women to 'serve' their husbands better. it's so absurd i just do not have the energy to comment on it. i don't know where to even start criticizing the way they execute measures to highlight the principle they stand on. like it wasnt bad enough, they had to bring in 1st class prostitutes as a comparison. any educated person would know that you didn't have to go to the extent to bring up prostitution to make your point. so why draw prostitution into the picture. as a mere gimmick to illustrate women as sex objects? ridiculous. all drama.

4. unpacking my luggage and cleaning up my room - dont we all resent this part. heh.

5. missing home. i wish i had another week of holidays to go back to kuching.

that's bout it. i still cant decide which one of these 5 things are most worthy to emo about lol. but by hook by crook i gotta finish unpacking real soon if i wana get some proper sleep tonight. yargh.

last few thoughts in Taiwan

2011-06-04T07:52:00.003+08:00

i reached the official end of my 3 week elective posting in the Tzu Chi Hospital and left with a pang of sadness. heh. i'll miss that place. particularly bcz the surgeon i attached with in this last week was most kind, patient and really fatherly. he specializes in Breast and Endocrine Surgery and has taught me a lot about reading sonograms and mammograms in clinic and the OT. even allowed me to scrub in for a thyroid surgery. that's another story grins i was creating a mini chaos in the OT with the scrub nurse and anaes dr. trying to instruct me in mandarin to make sure i donned on the sterile apron and gloves correctly. extremely pai seh...

i previously mentioned i had knowledge ego problem lol hee and had loads of trouble reading chinese characters off the computer etc. i had wanted to give up and go back to msia to tell juniors who were so called bananas like me not to do an attachment in taiwan. but i've had a change of mind. :D

i seriously learnt a lot in this hospital. not just knowledge wise, dissecting ecg charts and x rays and ultrasounds (still horrible at it but less blur), but humanity wise.

the nurses and dr.s here treat the patients really really well. the rapport established is extremely strong and the patients love their dr.s. ev1 treats one another with utmost respect. ev1 greets each other in the hallway / wards / lunch place. regardless whether they know you or ur status. i never saw enough of this back in msia.

and technical barriers can be overcome. hehe. its also partly bcz i've got friends doing the attachment with me and helped me a lot in reading signs and all that. i'm not sure if my mandarin improved? grins. but i picked out (not up) some taiwanese accents that i find pretty amusing teehee. so... i think i would really recommend ppl who are even tho partial bananas like me to come attach here. :D

owh! and i found a cousin i've never met before in taipei. huge surprise lol. but extremely pleasant. heheh.

its my last day touring taipei today b4 i head home and start sch again. i'll miss this place. XP

starting 4th year with psychiatry. wish me luck. :P

Ergonomic?

2011-05-22T18:16:00.003+08:00

today we visited the Tzu Chi temple/headquarters in should i say the heart Hualien? hehe. and did some voluntary work there. it was a privilege and an honour to be able to meet the founder of the Buddhist Tzu Chi Foundation, Dharma Master Cheng Yen in person. she was really friendly and welcoming :) we split into 2 groups to work on 1. gardening - the foundation has their very own vegetable garden where they mass produce their own organic vegetables. great for a very healthy lifestyle.

2. and secondly, in the Dried Rice factory. we did packaging work.

being air-con loving and having extremely enthusiastic outdoor loving friends teehee, i ended up in the 2nd group doing packaging indoors. now this is a 1st hand and 1st time experience working on packaging in a factory. (it wasnt really a factory la actually cz the condition was pretty comfortable and it was air coned. :D) so throw away all images of a dusty grey room filled with machines.

now after about i think 4 hours more or less of standing and sorting out packages + sitting down packaging small packets of dried rice + preservatives + flavoring working on a low table, i say:

SALUTATIONS to all factory workers in this world.

*thundering applause*

midway process i was suffering from:

1. superficial scratches on my fingers

2. boredom

3. stiff neck - cervical disc prolapse alert!

4. freezing arms (ok lar i hav no reason to complain about this 1 hehe)

note note: i am in no way complaining about the work. i was really happy to help out and after how much the tzu chi foundation has been helping me, giving me the opportunity to do my elective posting in their hospital, this is just sth really minor i can pitch in to contribute. plus the ppl are really nice and hospitable.

i'm just illustrating what a factory worker goes through in her workplace. :) dont get me wrong yeah :P

now i really know how important it is to establish a safe and comfortable working environment (cue Public Health posting hehe) esp, for blue collar workers. most of us have taken for granted that hard manual labour = suffering uncomfortable conditions

not so after all. and shouldnt be the case.

even hard manual labourers should be afforded and given the best (meaning safest, least ergonomically hazardous) working environment.

1. gloves to protect the hands

2. tables / chairs at the correct height to avoid painful neck bending for long hours

3. necessary safety precautions

4. music? to soothe the senses hehe. or varying jobs for the worker once in a while.

i wont go into too much of that in detail. most of us do know what needs to be done to form an optimal working environment. reducing risks via reducing hazards and exposure.

let's just not forget about helping and giving others the most humane working environment we can afford them when we are in the position to. :)

From Where I Am

2011-05-18T20:20:00.003+08:00

being in a foreign land makes the heart grow fond of home.

truth to be said, i'm homesick. lol.

it all boils down to being optimistic or otherwise i guess. cz everything has its ups and downs, pros and cons, challenges and sweet memories.

i'm currently doing my elective posting in Tzu Chi Hospital in Hualien, Taiwan. now most ppl paused for 1 second for the msg to sink in, then open their eyes real big and ask,'dont u hav2 speak mandarin in Taiwan?' n i'd say 'awww come on, my mandarin has improved over the past year with me being forced to practise speaking to elderly chinese uncles and aunties in the hospital... i'll survive.. it cant be thatttt bad.'

3 days into the posting, (in internal medicine, Respiratory) i've been complaining non stop to my friends about hitting my mandarin quota, listening (mostly) and communicating in mandarin. on my 1st day i was utterly lost, blur, slightly miserable at being unable to read the instructions on the computer, building signs, not understanding what Dr.s are discussing in seminars esp when they discuss management cz they use a lot of mandarin medical terminology.

plus the style of teaching in this medical school is really different. every student gets attached to one supervisor. 1 to 1 or 2 to 1. they are given 2 patients each and they plan out the management, write case notes like a houseman for that patient. every morning they consult their supervisor about their patient and they offer suggestions on Diagnosis n plans to the Dr.s, even if the Dr. is like an MO or Specialist.

now think what would happen if i tried to offer management advice to a specialist back in msia. *shudder*

the Dr.s take in every suggestion seriously. and explain to the student the rights and wrongs of that decision etc. in a super nice non sarcasm filled way. this makes their students very voluntary in offering suggestions and answers when questioned. the students tag the Dr.s like 8am-5pm every single day unless they have classes. WOW...

i was taken aback at this culture n it took me some time to get used to it. found it extremely pleasant. n the Dr. even requested every1 else to communicate in English bcz he knew my mandarin's horrible.

the dr.-patient relationship here is really amazing. super ppd skills alert!

however, i find myself spiralling down into depression bcz i feel so inadequately equipped with knowledge compared to the students here. gosh. the students here are like super whiz kids with compartments in their brains for physiology, patho, pharmaco, everything.

the Dr.s are extremely nice and understanding and give leeway for my dumbness tho thank goodness. bt that doesnt take my ego of feeling miserably dumb away. lol. i went through a cardio lecture today where we're suppose to identify heart sounds. now in UKM the Dr.s say u dont hav2 go into too much of details, MR/MS/AR/AS is enough. fullstop. here, u have to be able to identify S3, S4, gallop rhythm, ejection sound etc.. they identify murmurs without timing with the carotid pulse. nt sure if that's a good thing, but, big wow.

but thr's a different side to it i guess. while Msian universities place emphasis on History taking and PE, the hospitals here focus on Diagnosis, Investigation and Management. CT scans are really really common. n students here know how to read ecg (super detailed, even those uncommon stuffs they know), xrays, ultrasounds, PET scans, CT scans almost like a pro. they were given very detailed classes on it and study it with detail as well. another wow.

there's 2.5 more wks to go in this elective. but as i mentioned in front, although i do know it really is beneficial and certainly good exposure, i miss home. where familiarity breeds comfort. i guess that;s how it feels when i start working whr the environment's going to be totally different too. maybe its just bcz i've not been in any transition period for a long time, the last 1 being my 1st sem in uni. been in my comfort zone for too long. n i miss church. heh.

home, home. how i long for thee. XP

New Discoveries

2011-05-05T19:58:00.006+08:00

Just had a tour around Kuching for the past 3 days together with Pei Sun, her sis and her parents. They are extremely good touring company. XD

perfect excuse for me to savour all i-dare-say healthy Kuching delicacies annually. :D

even tho this was my 4th time touring Kuching over the past 3 years, i still keep discovering things i didnt know about this lovely city i call home.

1. We visited the Semonggoh Wildlife Rehabilitation Centre today in search of orang utans. a few facts that were new to me today.

- 1st of all i kept calling it Semonggok n only realised its correct name today. lol.

- Feeding Time for the orang utans are at 9-10am & 3-4pm. so if u're planning a trip here, u'll wana arrive just slightly before the feeding time :)

- The orang utans had really awesome names.

There's a female orang utan nicknamed Hot Mama due to her temper (not bcz she's irresistibly attractive to the males). Later after the hype only we rmbed her name's actually Delima. the park guides have great sense of humour :D

A dominant male orang utan called Ritchie who caused 2 fingers of George (another male orang utan) to be bitten off and poor George to be sent off to the Matang Wildlife Centre to separate the two.

and a female dubbed The Grandmother cz she's oldest.

one can never get bored watching the antics of these primates that are so irresistibly adorable, esp the babies! awww......

-The centre has 20+ orang utans. They are orang utans seized by Immigration Officers from poachers / smugglers and thank goodness, saved.

- and it's a lot nearer than i thought from my house and very easy to find. :D

2. I never knew there were that many Vegetarian outlets in Kuching. Pei Sun's family is vegetarian. so as we cruised around town, we started spotting more and more vegetarian restaurants around. We tried only a few, but out of those we tried, i have some good reviews.

- Popular Restaurant on the same road as the Air Asia Office opposite Swak Plaza, but much further down nearer to the Padungan roundabout. for restaurant standard, ordering dishes chinese styled.

- Beside the police station on the same road as Hong Kong noodle house in Padungan. 4got the shop's name tho. :S but it's vegetarian laksa, kolo mee, tomato noodles are not bad :P similar to non vegetarian 1s. it has kueh chap too , much to my surprise :P cz i didnt noe they could have mock pig intestines. hehe. bt it tastes different, more like bak kut teh. so i was glad they could all have a taste of Swakian food.

so if u've got vegetarian friends / am craving for vegetarian food, these are the places to be.

3. and rediscovered many routes around Kuching as i drove, drove, drove. :P

when i was small -yes in age and size- lol., i used to think that a 30 min drive down to the Damai Beach was horrendously long and super tiring.

after being in kl whr getting u to a destination requires a minimum time of 30 mins, a drive to Damai Beach felt like a drive in KL on any ordinary day. and much more pleasant with long endless empty roads and lots of trees. hehe. thank you KL for developing my travel time tolerance. :P

as the tour reached its end, nostalgia set in. i miss sunny and family already! she claims ownership over a certain Hill in Kuching selling ice cream. 8P

and its time for me to leave home once again. tmr.

sad..... :S

The Bridegroom

2011-05-01T12:33:00.005+08:00

Ps. Dennis mentioned sth more important than the royal wedding this morning.

Wouldn't it be more exciting anticipating the arrival of our heavenly bridegroom Jesus Christ?

Meeting this glorious bridegroom in a wedding matching the grandness of heaven?

How mystifying, wonderful and astounding it would be.

Just to explain a little about the use of reference to Jesus as the bridegroom and the church as his bride as in the bible:

Taken from: http://www.followtherabbi.com/Brix?pageID=2097

In order to communicate his deep love for us, Jesus described his love in terms of a family community. He compared himself to a bridegroom who paid a steep price for his bride and then went to his Father?s house to prepare a place for her.

Jesus made this comparison especially clear during the Last Supper. Taking a cup of wine in his hands, he told his disciples, ?This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you? (Luke 22:20).

No doubt his disciples immediately recognized the imagery of a marriage proposal. And they were able to picture the depths of Jesus? love—a love so deep that Jesus made a covenant with them and was willing to give his life for them.

By using marriage imagery, Jesus said, in effect, ?I love you as my bride, so I?ll pay the bride price. I?ll give up my life for you and to go my Father?s house to prepare a place for you. And one day I will return and take you to be with me forever.?

Writing to the Corinthians, Paul used the bridegroom picture as well: ?You are not your own; you were bought at a price? (1 Cor. 6:19—20). His words reminded Jesus? believers that they were his brides-to-be, waiting for the day when he would return and take them home.

For more information, you are encouraged to refer to the above website.

The World Celebrates

2011-04-30T11:50:00.004+08:00

This is just a way to shout out that:

Yes i watched the whole 6 hours of the wedding's live telecast on tv.

Yes i am in love with the whole fairy tale image thing

Yes i think Will is good looking and Kate is really beautiful and stunning

Yes the world needs something good to celebrate about in unity in the midst of the reality of poverty, war, political distress in many countries.

Yes i'm all in with the Britons declaring that i love this royal couple.

Will and Kate forever!

its a hype but a really lovely one.

who's up for roller coasters?

2011-04-23T09:27:00.011+08:00

the adrenaline rush when u strap urself to the seat,

the increasing wild palpitation in ur chest as the train snails up slowly up the slope..... to a halt.

POUND POUND POUND

u brace urself

then

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ur internal organs feel non existent

the plunge is never ending

u feel like u'll fall off the seat anytime

when it kinda slows down a little, suddenly u're twisted sharply to ur right

and to ur left

a camera flashes (great. ugly photo >8S)

another plunge down the never ending slope of terror

up down left right twist loop de loop small plunges that make ur stomach lurch

suddenly it slows down

and its all over.

u come down with a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.

GRINS.

i dont have much of an experience to make a good comparison of roller coasters. but i enjoy riding on them. :)

have so far rode on

1. Berjaya Times Square's indoor theme park's

2. Genting Highlands cyclone and another-i-4got-the-name

3. Spore Universal Studio's Mummy Train Ride (i think it has a cooler name but i 4got), Human and Cylon

and Cylon wins hands down as most thrilling, exciting and full of surprises.

its an inverted roller coaster where the seats attach to the rail on the top rather than run on tracks. so it leaves ur legs dangling from ur seat.

has i think 2 loop de loops (360 degree turns) and gas effects along the way.

its the blue 1 in this picture. the red 1 is Human which runs on tracks and has plunges so steep i didnt have the nerve to go on it another time.

those were the highlights of the universal studios trip. which burnt a hole in my pocket. but was definitely worth it!

some pictures of my trip down south right after the grueling exams. Grueling not bcz it was really stressful. but bcz it stretched over 1.5 wks. which i guess is nothing compared to the other health science students who's exam stretches over 3 whole weeks :S

paper-paper-celebration-break -- paper-celebration-break -- paper-paper-celebration :D

i guess having 3 after exam celebrations for an exam lasting just 1.5 weeks is kinda.. overrated? that probably isnt an accurate description but u get what i mean. :P

Chocolate Souffle at the Max Brenner's Chocolate Bar at the Esplanade Mall. S$16. we all shared. u'd want to cz its extremely rich -no kidding- and pretty pricey. if u're a huge chocolate fan, its worth the try. the little mug on the right is a Hug Mug, called so cz of the shape. u can cup ur hands ard it for some chocolate warmth. :P

the New York theme of Universal Studios.

Egypt

Jurassic Park. This baby Triceratops is adorable. it can even lick ur hands. or bite?

with the hot Egyptian guy and girl.

Donkey from Shrek

night view while sitting by the lake waiting for the fireworks display.

awesome fireworks display. this 1's my favourite. the 5 balls of fire were just there rotating round and round with little sparks flying out.

stayed at the Footprints Backpacker's Hostel in Little India. i highly recommend this place :P cz its clean, has a nice atmosphere and interior designing and most importantly cheap. RM30 per pax per night.

met Carmen who's studying in NTU. thx for the awesome shopping expedition in Bugis! :D none of the girls left Bugis empty handed. hehe.

and the trip cont journeying up to JB. stayed at Tune Hotels. comfortable and cheap. also recommended. :) met Christine and Zara!

and went further up to Segamat bunking in at Shalisha's place. Her mum cooks really well.

chappati for breakfast!

met up with lovely qi wen who also stays in Segamat. thx for the treat!

laughed ourselves silly playing carrom at Sha's place. above is the sequence to who managed to flick a piece into the net. we look so happy here bcz the game was getting depressing cz either our targets were never accurate, the pieces were either jumping across the board or we were scoring for our opponent :S

oops sorry for the extreme deviation from roller coasters to my post exam trip. :P was an experience of tests, horror, thrills and fun altogether.

having 2 weeks of hols back home now :D Kuching oh Kuching.

and will be heading to taiwan for elective posting for 3 wks. any1 searching for elective posting options can consider the tzu chi hospital in hualien, tw. relatively cheap as its subsidized and a hospital that has very established palliative care and traditional medicine departments.

definitely high time for me to brush up on my Mandarin. hehe.

Jack of all trades

2011-04-21T17:25:00.008+08:00

pride stumbles us and make us fall (but when we get up, we become a better person).

nothing on its own per se determines how good someone is at his/her job. same goes to labeling ppl as having good character, being a good decision maker or just being plain kind. ppl may pride themselves for being extremely good at sth, but there's more to it than just that.

today how good u are in ur job is measured not just by the dominant skill u need to perform ur job, eg. Making correct diagnosis and planning out proper management for a patient's disease for a doctor. or Designing building structures for an architect. or coming up with scientific breakthrough through research for a scientist.

on the job, management skills and good public relations are also keys that determine success.

a doctor can be given the job of organising say, his department's annual dinner. or a sports carnival. u dont learn how to organise events in medical school curriculum. these skills are acquired through experience. projects u take up here and there before. esp if u want to get ur committee working for u, doing a good job and being happy at doing their jobs. u need to be a people person yet make sure deadlines are met, get best deals at lowest prices etc.

lots of ppl nowadays end up working on a job that's totally unrelated to what they specialised in in their degree programme. but they're happy, adapting and doing well.

a person still has to be an all rounder in the end, to be the ultimate super worker. and i thought the term all rounder was stuck to pri and sec sch days. looks like i was wrong.

which would be better? to be extremely good in sth but lack skills in many areas. or to be a jack of all trades, master of none. ev1 wishes they can be both. perhaps they can. with time. with experience.

i guess it depends on what ur goal is. bcz with diff goals, priorities differ. and no1 is entirely right or wrong in saying what they think is the best choice is or isnt the best choice. :)

speaking of Jack, Pirates of the Carribean 4 is coming soon. :D Captain Jack Sparrow!

the boy in my life

2011-04-15T17:09:00.006+08:00

18 years have passed. childhood memories linger. it was as if it was just yesterday that my brother threw marbles at me and made me so mad at him that i cried. he still reminds me of it from time to time to poke fun at me. geez. but no doubt its pretty funny thinking of it now.

it was in primary sch days that fights ensued bcz he stole, i mean took the last piece of my share of cheesecake from the fridge and walloped it all up without telling any1. LOL. the bits of mischief he'd be up to to make me oh so mad. the times my sister and i would gang up against him (HAha) and threaten to tell mum if he played the computer while she was away if he didnt stop disturbing us. or secretly watching some cartoon on tv together when we were suppose to be doing our homework.

and it was in sec sch days that we poked fun at each other and fight over who gets to use the computer and go online. bcz i'd hog the comp to check emails and do lots of useless things and be totally kepo on ppl's friendster profiles. and he wanted to play comp games.

and it was in f6 days that i went to the same sch as him and drove him to sch together every morn and yell at him to wake up early cz i didnt wana get caught in the traffic. threatening to leave without him if he wasnt on time. muahaha. and listening to really hillarious stories he'd tell of his teachers and classmates and stuffs.

and it was when i entered university that i didnt meet him on a daily basis anymore. lol. but we'd chat endlessly whenever i got home drg the hols. the hillarious stories of teachers and friends never stopped. we stil argue about stupid things but all in good humour.

i met up with him over lunch today. we talked, shared little life stories. and i realised that as time goes by, this fella has really matured. he even qualifies as my counsellor. lol :P i'm sometimes awed by his train of thoughts. and his actions.

why am i being so nostalgic?? silly me. haha.

well. i love this brother of mine. :)

Um? :P

2011-04-12T19:50:00.003+08:00

the heart.

its funny how the heart is linked to our emotions. i wonder who started the metaphor. and drew hearts as the heart shapes we see today. its an intriguing shape really. its symmetrical. its both pointed and curved. and its almost always red or pink.

its like a ball that can swell into the largest of emotions such as pride and anger, and it can also house deep emotions like love, faith, hope. for some reason u dun often find ppl saying 'i'm swelling with love' but with pride. the word play. heeh.

it can also contain burning desires that take you soaring sky high. and feelings that stay rooted and create turmoil, bringing your stomach along on a churning ride.

it isnt simple. bcz emotions put in the heart do not just vanquish as easily as when u want them to. they fade out gradually. and the only variation found in different hearts is the time that transition takes.

it can plaque your mind. or rather, what the mind thinks plaques the emotions in your heart.

it isnt that easy to guard one's heart. but it's worth the try.

*this is some random ramble. if it doesnt make sense, perhaps it's meant to.

i wonder why the queen of hearts was made to be the antagonist. nonetheless, she's my favourite character in Alice in Wonderland. :D

Biological Clock Slamdown

2011-03-26T11:06:00.004+08:00

study weeks are a perfect time to finally just sit down and have all the time in the world u want and need to hit the books. seriously.

with 24 hours x 7 days in your hands, you get to choose how u wana run your schedule. u get to decide how and when u're gonna sleep/eat/study/chill, tho to an extent its not entirely free choice cz u noe the majority of time should be spent on using the brain for exam prep and not on other funner creativity enhancing intellectual totally cool worthwhile chillaxing fun things like watching The Big Bang Theory or editing photos or facebooking that are hey did i mention, fun? grins.

i've bn traditionally sticking to the traditional (my vocab is really limited right now) 12am-8am more than adequate but not too much sleeping time for the entire week until thursday where i veered off a little but just a little so no damage done.

until last night i decided to so called burn midnight oil to finish the last bits of public health lecture notes cz kiasu must finish them all in 1 day. even if it means extending the day to more than 24 hours. heeh.

whn i woke up this morning after what i thought was a more than sufficient 8 hours of sleep, i was a little groggy but thought, hey, let's start the day with a cup of coffee! that should do the trick!

3 hours later which is now, i am slightly disorientated, feeling like i need more sleep and....... thinking that last night's idea was a really bad one. and learning it the hard way that drinking coffee worsens it.

its like my eyes and mind just wont work together.

the moral of the story is not to attempt to screw ur biological clock bcz it almost always wins hands down. it forces me to wake up at 8am no matter what time i go to bed.

sobs. my morning ruined by cerebral arrhythmia.

Sedentary Excuses

2011-03-11T23:16:00.005+08:00

ppl say our lifestyle in our 20s determine how we're going to be like in our 30s-40s.

i never really gave it a thought until some time ago.

nearly all the patients in the wards have the triad of hypertension, diabetes mellitus and dyslipidemia. probably around 80% of them. or about 98% of patients ageing 40 and above have it.

i take a look at MY current lifestyle and i think i might just get hypertension in 10 years time. i shudder at the thought of having to pop hypertensive pills EVERYDAY for the next 50 years of my life. its like a drug addiction- just that i dont want to take it but have to.

the food i consume at the hospital cafeteria daily has the amount of salt that can readmit a hypertensive patient who just got discharged from the hospital. i refrain from taking meats like chicken, fish, beef bcz they're all, ALL mind you, either cooked in curry, deep fried, lathered with chillies or thick soy sauce (thats also spicy). so i'm down to taking veg and beancurd for protein.

so oily it shines :S

the veg unfortunately, has a serving of salt that will spontaneously erode any mouth ulcers you have and the only way to counter it is to bury it with a sizable amount of rice or drink tons of water along with it.

ok. 4get about hypertension.

now i shudder even more at the thought of being diabetic (no i'm not condemning diabetic patients. i'm empathizing). i noe dr.s counsel diabetic patients telling them they can still lead a normal life if they control their diet, be compliant to their medication which not necessarily have to be insulin injections- cz if its not severe u can just take pills. but again, its like a life sentence to lifelong medication and limited freedom. complications are bound to set in if not at 50 years old maybe 60 years old, or some time or another. its scary thinking of how ur arteries are going to slowly thicken and one day be obstructed and you'll get eye problems, nerve problems, kidney problems, etc. the number of patients with HUGE diabetic foot ulcers and gangrene and toe amputations in the wards are countless.

why do i think i might just get diabetes 1 day. or arteriosclerotic plaques so severe that i'll get a heart attack.

this i blame on myself. my very very very very sedentary lifestyle. i am appalled at my own ignorance and laziness. like seriously. i exercise like once in a blue moon. u noe the i-will-exercise-during-my-holidays syndrome where u never get to exercise anytime at all in the end.

i can blame it on terribly unhealthy food again at the cafeteria, the lack of squash courts in the college - the only sport i think i wont play so badly and even if i do, the court size is tolerable to run around picking the balls up :P.

the lake where i can jog being 500m away. is it? now that's the worst excuse ever bcz that's super near. i can blame it on my 'busy' schedule. oh no. i'm not that busy really.

its just plain ignorance. heeh.

throw in dyslipidemia due to superrrrr oily food provided by the cafeteria (again).

nah. if i constantly exercise like jog once in 3 days i'd be fine. dont keep blaming the cafeteria.

BUT...bbb...but....

sigh. fine. i'll start exercising during this coming semester break. heeeh...

Humbled in the Lord's presence

2011-03-07T17:13:00.004+08:00

some important lessons were learnt this wkend + today. it showed me how putting God into the picture makes things different.

its pretty simple. but i'm writing it here bcz i think its sth that impacted me.

now ask yourself how you'd feel if u had spent a lot of time slaving away at sth, all nicely put into place but in the end some1 throws you last minute work or asked u to make last minute changes in a super panicky short span of time. i'd feel like killing the person and probably at some point refuse to make the changes bcz its their fault for giving it to me last minute. its none of my business and i'm not going to give in to them.

i started helping out in my church's LCD team not long ago and being there opened my eyes to behind the scene issues that the LCD team face. praise and worship leaders are very spontaneous in requesting for song lyrics bcz sometimes it depends on the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

and what the LCD person does is to make the changes in the nick of time, tries his best to accomodate to changes. he had to sort out 3 languages of translation for the songs and rearrange the words on the slides in the programme - its not powerpoint so its a bit different. and check for typos. it was ten minutes to the start of service.

the dynamics and the attitude and speed of reaction to change amazes me. no1 complains. they just try their best to adapt to change. and above all, remain calm throughout.

wow i would have panicked and have brain freeze if thrown into that situation. looks like i have a long way to go. lol.

i experienced God in my long case exam today. wow. got a patient i just talked to this morning. and the examiner was pretty forgiving. and in all that, i was really humbled. sometimes we have a tendency to be rather big headed but yeah, i was humbled today.

praise the Lord! :)

Wishing from across half the globe.

2011-02-27T20:25:00.004+08:00

Now you have coloured my life, made me laugh, cry, wanna kill you, yet love you, and deep deep down i just wana sum it all up saying, U're An Amazing Awesome Friend to me and nothing can ever replace you - u know that too. grins.

Happy sweet sweet 23rd birthday Eu! this is dedicated to your sugar rush moments :D miss you loads!

Indeed, a King's speech

2011-02-25T20:56:00.005+08:00

while watching The King's Speech, kevin picked up a few pronunciation differences that the royalties in England practice in their speech to distinguish them from common folk. such as controversial being pronounced con-tro-ver-see-al instead of the usual con-tro-ver-sh-el.

and to think it was so very important for the King to broadcast speeches to his ppl in a confident, convincing and charismatic manner, that ppl can feel his sincerity and commitment for the country even just through a speech heard off the radio.

the climax of the story was when England announced war against Germany (during the Hitler regime) and the King delivered a speech to give encouragement to the ppl of England to strengthen the spirits of the soldiers going to war, give comfort to their loved ones and to reassure his ppl that the government was thinking of the best interest of the ppl despite the war.

the language used was formal but still went as far as to reach into the bottom of the hearts of the English ppl. wow i was thinking that the writer of the King's speech deserved as much credit as the King for conjuring such an amazing speech -truly fit for a King.

one line that i loved was:

Lionel's wife: Would you care to stay for dinner, Your Majesty?

The Queen: Ah, would love to. Alas, we have a prior engagement. Pity. *disappointed-and-really-wished-i-could-join-u smile*

contrary to common folks who'd at most say: Oh no, so sorry but we're not free as we have other plans.

maybe Pn. June my f6 chem teacher might have responded saying she has a prior engagement. hehe. quite amazed by her classic use of language. :D fair enough.

this little exposure to royal lingo was very enlightening and engaging. oh, such politeness and civilization! i think the movie captured the scene in the early 20th century of England very well. very well indeed. :)

Independovidualistic?

2011-02-17T18:11:00.006+08:00

between being Individualistic or Independent, which are you. or are you neither.

*this will be short cz feeling lazy atm.

ppl like to be called independent. being labelled as individualistic isnt sth really positive. but both, involves a person being on his/her own most of the time. some say its the motive. but..... is there a motive in being alone?

some ppl like to be alone most of the time bcz they savour the solitude, the peace of mind and the time of reflection doing things they like as an individual and not being troubled or bothered about what others think of them or what they're doing and not having to bother about that of others as well. they can be called independent, as in, not having to need the company of another to fulfill their needs and being self capable. they can also be called individualistic, for not wanting to mix with others so much and not sharing part of their world with the rest. ok, maybe not so much about not wanting to share, but not having to or inadvertently needing to share.

i wonder sometimes if being independent turns a person into being individualistic in the long run.

i like being independent. but to a point i don't want to be too individualistic. is there a way to get the balance between both worlds. sometimes it gets lonely to be independent.

like they say. No man's an island.

shrugs. ?

Speak not spit it out.

2011-02-12T08:51:00.005+08:00

The stepping down of President Mubarak of Egypt marked the beginning of freedom and hope for thousands (or much more) of Egyptians and gave justice to those who had died in the demonstrations or police crackdown of civilians over the past 18 days.

now what has this to do with me?

for some reason when i scrolled over news about the change in regime and viewed photos of demonstrators, i felt a pang awe twds the people. i felt sympathy for those who lost their loved 1s in the battle, and i felt happiness for those who gained freedom.

Image by AZHAR MAHFOF/The Star

it shows that the people have power too to make changes for the better of their lives.

it shows that an authoritarian cannot rule and abuse his power to oppress the thousands under his ruling forever. in this case it was 3 whole decades which was pretty long anw and even if he stepped down he could live a really luxurious life on some holiday island like Hawaii. but at least for the people, the oppression stops.

people are driven to speak out when their limit of tolerance towards injustice and abuse have reached the threshold. and it took the death of 1 brave woman to spark a demonstration of thousands. many a time we hesitate and we dare not speak our minds bcz of check and balance mechanisms and law that ensure people adhere to limitations of so called freedom of speech and actions to maintain peace and order in an organisation.

let's not even talk about issues at the national level.

let's look at issues in our own homes or workplace or learning institution.

we all agree that supression of freedom of speech will cause dissatisfaction that can either resolve with time, or mount to a volcano that explodes when time is due. most people choose to remain silent bcz that requires the least work, they want to maintain peace, they dont want to get into trouble or they think things work for the majority so they'll just go along w it.

when the time bomb finally starts ticking bcz the dissatisfaction has reached the border of its limit, u get anger, irritability, unhappiness and disharmony. finally 1 person stands up and says, ok i've had enough. i'm going to voice it out.

but by that time, bcz he is at rage and negative emotions are flying, he may voice out his dissatisfaction in a way offensive to certain groups of ppl. words that're too blunt, actions that're not tactful, and due to frustration he may throw in a slew of unrelated issues and personal agendas when making his point.

perhaps what we still need to improve on is the way we handle unwanted situations. making compromise, voicing out dissatisfaction in a liberal yet unoffensive manner at the correct time and being brave enough to stand for our own rights. all in the circle of rational judgement of course.

and if outbursts do occur, we need to look behind the emotions and study the issues brought up instead of turning his away or putting him down bcz we think his action and words were inappropriate or offensive. bcz volcano eruptions happen for a reason. when the lava cools, phps we can start talking.

on my part, i have lots to improve on. i have a tendency to speak my mind too fast (sometimes too loud) and expect ppl to have the same openness and respond in a rational minded way. its a part of debating i appreciate where ppl point things out and discuss issues in the open without feeling that the issues are personal attacks or selfish complaints but giving gravity to them.

not every member of society however has that level of openness yet. n thrfore i need to think twice before opening my mouth and layer my words with more peanut butter and jelly so that the sandwich gets eaten and digested more easily.

so much for the bad stomach. =)

yargh better start working on my case write up now lol.

Envious?

2011-01-30T22:06:00.006+08:00

envy can be a good and bad thing.

while one may feel an innate sense of guilt for feeling envious (in this sense, intense jealousy) for another person's achievement or good fortune, sometimes its unavoidable. part of human nature, we can throw the blame on.

envy can churn out positive motivation but is also capable of bringing out really ugly dark emotions. it challenges you to work harder and excel to reach higher standards. but if one makes it personal or deems that person undeserving of the good fortune, it can bring out hatred or a form of detest or just about any negative feeling u can think of.

everyone is capable of being envious of another, esp if u bring comparison into the picture. ppl like comparing themselves to others, to match success to success and failure to failure, to see who's ahead of the other. ppl prefer comparing themselves to another they deem as less superior to themselves bcz it gives them a sense of achievement or superiority, the feel good factor that they are at least ahead of some1 in the rat race.

i seem to be painting a very crude picture of human nature, of selfishness and individualism. but isnt it true.

is it okay to feel envious of another? in this case, i mean the negative intense jealousy.

hmmm......

we do try though, to keep ourselves on track by having moral checkpoints constantly. and the better things in life such as joy, peace, love help to drown out negativity and keep ppl in harmony with one another.

Envious of this adorable bunny? :)

Homing

2011-01-11T19:19:00.007+08:00

10 things that tell me i'm home:

1. making a drink means heating up water for just 30 seconds with the microwave.

(no mafan boiling water in a kettle)

2. seeing the ground floor view from a table through the glass window.

3. watching hong kong Cantonese serials at 6pm

4. spending more than 30 minutes at the dinner table talking with mum/dad/sis/bro

5. smelling fried fish wafting from the kitchen to the living room

6. driving around town

7. having a grocery store 5 minutes from home

8. showering in a bathroom with a water heater, toilet, mirror and sink combined

9. being the last to switch off all lights and

(this is totally not my house grins)

10. climbing the stairs to my bedroom

The comforts of home :P

walking

2011-01-07T18:21:00.006+08:00

have u ever been struck by that sudden feeling of nostalgia? when the exams are over, when the period of busyness is over, and u have time for urself and u take that trip back home. far from friends who're busy. u spiral down into solitude knowing the week ahead needs to be filled with productivity, studying and spending quality family time and getting a few assignments done and contemplating future plans. plans that require a huge rock of faith.

ending the year

2010-12-31T12:45:00.009+08:00

ending 2010 in tanjung karang is sth new!

being in the public health posting was really eye opening.

1. i learnt to live in a community. i have a roommate, i live in a block of 16. i get to have my meals with a whole group of friends. never alone! lots of precious memories of seafood, cooking together, washing veggie :P, making tang yuan, bathroom gossips, truth or dare or rather dare or dare, binge eating together and making up for it by playing badminton and jogging.

ngan shan's door. her rat picture is hillarious! it looks more like a pig-cow. for some reason her room keeps getting rat visits.

jeram's ikan bakar. it come with a sauce that's superspicymegaawesomehot!

jeram's famous seafood place with the awesome bunch :D

ginormous ice kacang

2. i love fireflies.
everyone who passes by kuala selangor MUST go! they're like beautiful christmas lights blinking all along the river. and they fly to u and move around ur fingers. owh howww very lovelyyy! i rate it most romantic spot in msia. heheh.

this photo is totally from google images bcz i didnt dare to take photos of the fireflies in case they die of flash shock.

3. i saw how working in a district hosp and a district health office was like.
without the great equipment hukm has. and how important relations with ppl u work with are.

4. hands on fieldwork!
talking to villagers amidst the golden yellow paddy fields that are harvesting. fogging away Aedes mosquitoes. testing water quality. wow.

kill the mozzies!!!!

die die must take photo even under the burning hot 360 degrees sun

5. and of course having loads of fun!
visiting the funfair, screaming our lungs out bumping cars and flying through the night skies on a chair.
Happy Fun Park! hwever it has bn dismantled and relocated to another area goodness noes whr so kevin u wont get to go car bumping in jkm mwahahhaha..

the magic flying chair :D

we never want christmas to be over

2010-12-28T00:39:00.004+08:00

i love this family

so much that i'm lost for words

blessed be the world

2010-12-25T19:45:00.002+08:00

i was thinking real hard about what i should write about this Christmas. i thought it would be great if my post was impactful. Christmas means a lot to me bcz its a great time to invite my friends to church and share the good news with them. but i finally thought i'll write exactly what has bn revolving in my mind.

"Life is already filled with everything we need. When we want to achieve something, we work hard for it ourselves and that is where the satisfaction and justification for success comes. When we fail, we do not blame others. We do not just shrug it off as God's will and think we are not responsible for it. We blame ourselves. but we grow stronger by picking ourselves up from our failures and moving on."

Those are reasons why many do not seek God. Why do they need God when they are capable of handling life in their own hands?

Think of it this way. If life is already so enriching, wouldn't it not hurt to enrich it further with God?

If God isnt real, why do so many people experience Him and lay down their lives, put down their once greatest ambitions to serve Him?

You must have at least paused for a moment to wonder:

1. How experiencing God feels like

2. What is the purpose of this life and

3. What happens in eternity? What happens when we perish from this world?

Put in a moment to think. Do you really not care?

Merry Christmas everyone :)

*My thoughts are in no way meant to cause hurt or harm to anyone, in case some readers might be sensitive about this. i am not condemning any1. i respect different opinions. i am just sharing my own. and in fact, all i want to spread is love. :)

on the job

2010-12-17T14:17:00.004+08:00

i previously mentioned about adaptation.

being in the public health posting meant going to the district health office and gov health clinics in a slightly far from urban area.

pretty soon you realize the work culture in these places is different from that in hospitals and the urban areas. everything is slower paced. ppl are really easy going. punctuality means being 30 minutes behind schedule. and if u're that new medical officer who reports for work there on your 1st day, u're in for a culture shock.

now our 1st reaction would be to stare in total aghast and shake our heads at the lack of urgency in the people, instantly labeling them irresponsible, slack, unproductive, superrrrrr malaysian and you wonder how is it justified that the gov service sector have workers like these who never fail to miss Minum Pagi and Minum Petang sessions daily and let lunch break cut past into 2pm. esp when its the Health sector where we're dealing with sick ppl who need urgent medical attention and such.

Being in charge (cz ur scale allows you to, even though u're new and they've been working there for the past 20 years and are as old as ur dad), you might think of initiating a regime change. You can make strict rules about adhering to punctuality, meeting datelines for reports etc. You announce your intentions in the 1st staff meeting (that starts 30 minutes late). You demand for reports at your desk at 8.30am sharp the next morning. Time comes. Nothing appears on your desk. Your staff act like yesterday's meeting never happened. you're doomed.

Think again. It's not going to be likely that u can initiate any change in culture in the workplace if no1's going to listen to you. In order to get ppl to listen to you, you gotta build rapport, get to know them, speak their lingo, know their background, become more of their friend, less of a boss. You got to have that public relation skill. That... subject you had in medical sch called... what's that again? PPD. ah yes. personal and professional development. you need to strategize. to find a perfect plan / solution to get things going and fulfill ur job requirement WITH the help of ur staff. You cant make them resent or dislike you or u're in for trouble.

take this scenario (from one of my lecturers):

A Medical officer calls up an ambulance driver to help him send an urgent medical sample to a very far place in the middle of the night. the fella refuses, saying he's Tired. the frustrated MO tells him off, and gets another ambulance driver to do it. he signs off a letter transferring the 1st ambulance driver out the next day. if u think problem's solved and that fella deserved it, you're wrong. 2 days later, the fella comes back with a letter from the ministry of health Instructing you to take him back in. He wins. hands down. apparently he's got huge cables in political parties.

there are a few ways we can look at this situation. Irresponsible ambulance driver who got off the hook with the MO as victim.

or if the MO had good PR with the ambulance driver, the fella wouldn't have obliged to do the MO a 'favour' to work and drive long distances in the middle of the night even if he really was tired.

thus the importance of establishing good relationship with your colleagues or staff in your workplace. no 1 can work alone. as a student we can still survive studying and managing things on our own without much contact with the outside world other than our circle of friends, but things differ a LOT in the working world.

i was initially disgruntled about having to wait and stone for hours when joining fieldwork attaching to the District Health Office fellas, but once i got into the fieldwork, fogging and all, i realised that hey, even though they work at their own time (never missing a tea break haha), they work efficiently. they get their job done well. bcz they're experienced and they Are passionate about their job. the old fellas who have bn 20 years on the job LOVe their job. they enjoy what they're doing. and they dont need a strict boss to get them to perform their job to their best.

Thank you for the fogging experience and everything!

Don't Miss This

2010-12-01T08:53:00.005+08:00

now when was the last time i joined in to cheer for my friends in a College Idol-ish kind of competition?

Um... err.. never...?

I hav2 totally come back to Hukm this friday!!!

It's ESZ Night featuring the grand finalists of the Talentime.

Awesome poster by Kevin

Darn i must come back! Don't wana miss a great show!

Hole in the ground.

2010-11-24T18:52:00.002+08:00

community health survey started in sabak bernam today. amidst the beautiful paddy fields that stretched from end to end and nvrending-ness, were village folks that lived a simple semi urban to rural life.

in one of the houses my group surveyed, there was a lady with 9 children. left by her husband (for another wife) and surviving on a meager RM500 a month from gov social service.

RM500 divided by 10 ppl = RM50

divide that by 30 days in a month.

that leaves every individual in that household with less than RM2 a DAY to survive on.

when we asked about her diet, we found out her family only eats chicken / fish ONCE a MONTH.

fruits and vegetables: also ONCE a MONTH if they have extra money.

*dumbfounded*

i look into my own lifestyle and find that i have taken everything in my life for granted.

the way i manage my finances and the ppl who love me.

Transitioning

2010-11-21T16:04:00.004+08:00

how good are you in dealing with transitions?

transition here refers to any situation whr u're out of ur comfort zone / am in a new place / far from ur very close friends for a period of time for say, more than 2 weeks.

some face transitions with excitement, zeal, enthusiasm.

some fall into a temporary state of depression / emo-ness before picking themselves up on their feet once again and looking forward to potential opportunities.

as u journey towards the new unfamiliar setting, the adrenaline builds up and u feel urself pulsating, heart beating hard and fast.

the series of events that follow now depend on how well u can identify with the place / people. how much you were made to feel at home / how occupied you are / how exhilarating the events in that new place are.

if u're undergoing a transition, all the best! :) i am too. just a v small one lol. its day 1 in tanjung karang, my public health posting. a pretty far from urban area 1.5 hours from cheras. i miss the hospital and the house mates chatter and the cicak screaming / cicak acting ppl already. haha. bt am looking fwd to a taste of public health and the awesomely cheap seafood ard here as well.

we're going to satay hut tonight! now that must ring a really loud bell in some of you. :P

Not Your Average Superhero

2010-11-03T19:29:00.003+08:00

You've come across articles of Everyday Superheroes in the Reader's Digest:

- not so ordinary ppl who have saved a person's life, ppl who devoted themselves to the community serving others, ppl who touched lives in one way or another. the community is blessed with more warmth and care with these ppl.

i found superheroes in the heart of somewhr in btwn Cheras and Kajang today. at a shelter home for pregnant teenagers.

ever wondered how it's like to make a mistake as a teenager, something irreversible and comes with societal taunt and emotional trauma. to suddenly one day realize your urine pregnancy test tested positive. u're 15 years old, madly in love with raging hormones, i blame the current societal scene for the lack of exposure of teens to contraception. ur world feels like its being torn apart. u feel lost, u don't know what to do, you're paralyzed with fear.

http://search.independent.co.uk/topic/teenage-pregnancy

or u feel that no one understands you, your family neglects you, you decide to run away from home with your boyfriend. 1 week later, u find out it is the biggest mistake of ur life when you were forced into prostitution with no means of escape. ur body, mind and soul is tormented by the sexual abuse u're made to live through every single day. when you tried to protect urself, u were beaten and tortured. u can only cry urself to sleep each day as a means to comfort and express urself.

u were just, a teenager, who made that mistake bcz at that moment, adrenaline and sex hormones overpowered your capacity for rational judgement.

now how would you survive that ordeal?

someway, somehow, these teens have to move on in life, pick themselves up, put the past behind them and have a future plan for themselves. bcz their life doesnt end thr. there's still at least 75% more of life to go.

if u're lucky, u have a shelter home whr you receive protection and rehabilitation. you have a support group consisting of other teens like you who understand what you're going thru. you have a family that supports you, counselors to give u advice, ppl to guide u in picking up the pieces of ur life and start anew.

but even with that so called 'luck', it takes great courage to forget the past and move on. esp if you were betrayed and forced into prostitution. will you be able to start trusting ppl again? you are fragile. another storm can easily shake you and tear your foundation apart.

we have not even considered those teens who did not step forward to seek support. they went thru the whole ordeal alone. probably surrounded by darkness and a sense of hopelessness.

i herald these teens as superheroes for being able to brush away the dirt, stand up strong and say, I can do this, because life goes on. and these teens are the ones who propagate the message of hope to the rest of teens like them.

what the society needs to do, is to stop the stigmatization, discrimination, embrace these teens with open arms and tell them its alright we know you made a mistake and give them the emotional support they need. what ppl are doing to shun pregnant teens is doing absolutely Nothing to help the situation. i respect religious and cultural point of views (i am in no way promoting teen pregnancy) but hey we need to solve the problem that's in front of us now: pregnant teens exist in the country and we need to help them.

focus efforts on rehabilitation and protection.

if u want to reduce teen pregnancy, 1. promote abstinence. 2. increase education on contraceptive methods.

our country actively does no. 1.

No. 2 is swept under the carpet bcz ppl are afraid that it will promote sexual intercourse.

but sexual intercourse is happening among teens bcz raging hormones are beyond the control of the government or society for that matter.

start spreading the word on contraception!

http://www.healthofchildren.com/C/Contraception.html

heck i had no idea morning pills are safe for consumption until i entered medical sch. i used to think it was toxic or sth. (yes i was a pretty blur case but i'm sure i'm not the only one.) everyone laughs when u hold up a condom but there is a dying need to educate ppl on putting them on the correct way.

if we want to create a change in society, we need to change our mindsets 1st. then only start claiming that we want to sincerely help these teenagers.

Life isnt easy as a teen. we all know.

When to Hit the Panic Button

2010-11-02T17:42:00.004+08:00

i always admire ppl who handle stress reli well.

those ppl who when challenges come, they think of a solution on the spot, have plan A, B and C, and they just carry it out and sit back and wait to see what happens. The outcome, whether good or bad, they seize it as an opportunity, think of another solution, and have more Plan As, Bs and Cs.

and in that process, no worries, no getting agitated, no binging lol, maybe just bouts of adrenaline rushes that comes but goes.

heck i wish i were like that!

but i guess thru time, my stress-in-crisis level has declined from the 1st time i set foot in university while i take up some responsibilities here and there, was forced into stressful situations and learned to handle them. i used to be reli uptight about punctuality, meeting deadlines, ppl being responsible, but no thankfully i'm not such a perfectionist for details. i get reli stressed up when things dont work out the way i expect them to.

but i learnt that nobody's perfect, anything that possibly can happen can happen, sometimes things u thought impossible can also happen, and i myself aint perfect. so sometimes ppl also have to put up with my imperfections.

so i need to give leeway for mistakes, expect ppl not to be punctual for the time set but still on time for the real time lol, set very early deadlines for ppl to not meet that deadline but still adhere to the real deadline, and allow the possibles to surprise me and challenge my ability to think fast and act quickly.

i still get reli stressed and panic in as-defined-by-me-crisis situations.

but i thank God for ppl i work with who are not like me haha. i learn from them to remain calm, take things easy and hope for the best. save the panicking for when things REAlly dont work out and there are no possible Plan As, Bs, Cs. :P

well thr isnt anything impossible with prayer. God I want to not panic. :P

on a 2nd thought, does panic bring u away from danger? is there a mild sort of panic thats enough to scare u to do sth but u stil maintain enough calmness to think properly and execute. is that considered panic? Maybe its called Super Acute Panic. or Subclinical acute Panic. ok i need to stop ranting.

Volcano pls don't erupt anymore. i wana go to Bali.

too much. or not.

2010-10-22T16:41:00.005+08:00

why do i always end up doing multiple co-curricular activities during my study and exam week. the trend hasnt stopped. i wonder when it will. then again i've learnt lots from doing things this way. but at some point u tend to feel agitated and u just want to rant it out loud, take a breather and go back to doing it again.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

there. done. sigh... study.

Thank God for good cooling weather today. :)

Before the 1st half ends.

2010-10-15T22:23:00.005+08:00

it's the last day of O&G posting today. and i cant believe that wow time flew and i've gone through 2 postings already.

as i look back, i truly thank God for blessing me with smooth sailing postings and granting me what was the best to mold me / shape me in my education in the beginning of this clinical year.

i thank God for

1. having surgery as my 1st posting.

it was a stepping stone, a cushion where i could take time to adjust myself to clinical year lifestyle and schedules. although it was only in week 4 that i sort of started to get the hang of it, i had 4 more weeks to catch up on things.

balancing between the 101 different advice from seniors and friends, in the midst of confusion between 'u should stay in ur room the first few weeks and study 1st b4 going to the wards' and 'u should go to the wards everyday and learn from the patients. they are ur books.' and 'just clerk one case a day then go back study' etc.. it was pretty confusing trying to balance out between everything. whn in surgery u have clinics, wards, OT, teaching. u can do anything u want, anytime, at ur own expense.

clinical years throws u an 8 week syllabus at the beginning of ur posting, and its up to you how u wana finish studying / mastering all the 'must knows' etc by the end of it. gone are the days of scheduled day to day classes and lectures and syllabus. it's totally flexible and entirely up to you how you wana study.

you get reli lost in the beginning bcz u're overwhelmed by the 8 week workload thats thrown to you in the beginning. but as time passes and u slowly cover the syllabus bit by bit, the pressure wears off.

surgery posting was a platform for me to build up my confidence.

i thank God for

2. very nice supervisors.

Ms. Farrah and Mr. Azlan both gave teachings once a week throughout the posting, and were very approachable and friendly. it spared me brain cells needed to overcome intimidation and gave me more confidence.

3. O&G posting

being my 2nd posting gave me a 1 week's holiday in the middle of the posting. whr i could use the holidays to be oncall and finish up the deliveries i needed to conduct. phew no more oncalls after hari raya hols.

4. a great supervisor

whom i feared from week 1 and actually still to a certain extent until now but lesser hehe. Dr. Rahana was strict and i was really fearful of uttering silly things or asking silly questions or presenting horribly in front of her. and the fear made me study and study and study and gave me insomnia and drove me to maximum will to study even when my eyes wanted to shut themselves after 7pm at night. i would force my eyes to stay open and my brain to accept information and retire to bed thinking what i have not covered. n jump out of bed at 6am before my alarm even rang to run to ward to cover beds everyday for her ward rounds.

the fear was good. it pushed me to work hard.

waking up at 6am was good. it gives me an early head off start of the day.

ward rounds everyday was good. i had more chances to present cases and brush up my presentation skills.

4. for manageable cases to present.

case presentation was a bit rough here and there but still alright.

there was a time that the patient in the bed i was not covering , but i covered for fun bcz i was looking for a Placenta Previa case to present, suddenly appeared in the bed i was suppose to cover the next morning. so i didnt have to prepare anything much that morning, and just had a brief look at her updates. wow talk about miracles.

5. for my short case

under Prof Hatta. who was nice and very pleasant and helpful and that took away my nervousness.

6. for great groupmates.

both in surgery and O&G. i enjoyed the teamwork and in sharing the anxiety and fun together. i am grateful for the opportunity to get to noe my coursemates a lot better by being in the same group as them in these postings.

7. how could i forget? for finally understanding a childbirth's / labour pain.

i salute all mothers in this world. just looking at how much they suffer, the face of agony and nearly giving up when having contraction pain for 8 hours before delivering the baby is enough to make any teenager abstain from premarital sex. i tink? lol. the but yeah, it looks reli reli painful...! gosh, thank you mum..!

8. very helpful 5th year seniors

who are reli very competent and i reli look up to them. the way they carry themselves, the knowledge they have and the time that they're willing to spend to give out pointers and teach lost juniors.

9. very helpful coursemates

from the same posting who have helped me so much in sharing knowledge, opportunities, going through it together. for close friends in a different posting who gave me so much advice in going through the posting they have been through. wouldnt have made it without them.

thank God for bringing me through the first part of yr 3.

it's study week now and exams are in 1 week's time.

happy studying everyone! :)

after exams:

Bali trip! EAMSC paper! then Tanjung Karang..!

confidential?

2010-10-07T15:54:00.004+08:00

i walked out of clinic day today feeling slightly bewildered over an uneasy patient encounter.

Miss A was a single 22 year old lady living with her parents. She has pseudocyosis (false pregnancy) and hepatomegaly (liver and spleen enlargement). She has an abdominal mass that has been increasing in size leading her to believe that she was pregnant. it was reli an incident of lots of coincidences bcz when she started missing her period, she was tested positive on the urine pregnancy test, scanned positive for pregnancy and had morning sickness of vomiting. and her abdomen has been increasing in size. and it was js not long after she had sexual intercourse. weirdly, she's been having intermittent pain n distension over the umbilical region over the past 2 years. the fact that she suspects herself to be pregnant and all the supporting facts were unknown to her parents and all the while they thought she was just suffering from the abdominal pain due to a complication from an appendisectomy 2 years ago.

she was accompanied by her mother to the clinic.

upon being interviewed by me in front of her mum before seeing the doctor, she did not disclose any facts about her suspecting herself to be pregnant. later her mum left us and twds the end of the clerking, i asked her the routine gynae question on whether she has had intercourse before. she replied yes. n i proceeded with routine ques of dyspareunia-pain/post coital bleed. and the history on her being positive on urine pregnancy test, the scan etc spilled out. n she told me her parents were unaware of all these. upon viewing the emergency unit admission clerking sheet i also thought it was reli weird for her to have a dating scan and positive urine pregnancy test and all that and proceed to enquire further about it.

i was wondering how i would present her history to the doctor in front of both her and her mum in the clinic later when it was her right to have all these information remaining confidential betwn doctor n patient.

in the end bcz her history was weird with the false postivie UPT and wrong scan done at GP and all that and the false pregnancy, i didnt get to present my case, but the doctor proceed to obtain history on her own. there was information on the false pregnancy blah on the admission clerking sheet at the emergency unit.

in the end obviously the mother found out she had intercourse before marriage, and her antenatal visits to the GP and all that.

even though she's 22 and working but it can be observed that she stil pretty much depends on her parents and are under their shadow. erm.

subsequent conversation proceed with the doctor discussing the case with the mother with occassional/very hardly references to the daughter. i was feeling very very uneasy at that point and wondering what was going to happen to the poor girl when they left the clinic.

i guess it was not going to be possible to keep the information from the mother as she had accompanied her daughter to the clinic. it was also probably safer for the mother to find out as she can advise her daughter about precautions drg intercourse etc. and the mother has the right to find out all these as her sole guardian.

but patient's confidentiality is also at question. the patient has the right to disclose all the above information to her mother herself instead of her mother finding out about it through the doctor. the patient has the right to have 1st hand discussion with the doctor instead of being just an occassional reference like a 3rd party. she has the right to obtain information on the risks of unprotected intercourse from the doctor without family intervention.

perhaps i'm not in the position to comment on this situation. sometime doctors cannot protect a patient's confidentiality if the patient themselves have brought their family members along with them to the check up. n in the clinic u have like 4 medical students tagging a doctor in a clinic, listening to every patient's details and management.

just felt reli bad for the girl. she was treated like a child and she was reli uneasy when being questioned about having SI and her reason for suspecting pregnancy. SI before marriage doesnt make u a criminal, but in Msian society you can get stigmatised quite badly and even be shunned by ur family. :(

Do we have enough safeguards to protect a patient's confidentiality? it's a two way thing i guess. it's the responsibility not of just the doctor but the patient herself. :S

on a brighter note, palpating an abdomen with polyhydramnios (excessive amniotic fluid) today has made my day. :) postive fluid thrill! blubb.

it didnt end just there. :P

2010-09-28T18:21:00.004+08:00

i say, the belated bday girl is ecstatic she has these girls as housemates!

when the clock struck yes twenty two and the lizard ran down,

the poor door was hammered upon and voila~ bijoux cupcakes took the stage in front of my room. tho they were lit with medical students' pen torches (bcz the lighter was in my room). lol! so candle lighting ceremony commenced with pei sun's ringing laughter in the background :P

my mind instantly flashed back to the time we celebrated wendy's bday in 1st year by sticking the huge blackout wax candle decorated with sequins (w UHU glue) into a minuscule butter cupcake (the 1 that you buy 6 in 1 pack from the hostel cafe muahahah so she could light up n blow out her candle more than 10 times n it still doesnt finish melting)

- the huge pink ribbon pei sun inherited from her strawberry loving almighty make up council.

the Chillis runaway-to-san-francisco-steak-house-cz-Chilis-queue-too-damn-long-and-we-were-hungry ppl.

thank you Crazylife for being in my life and celebrating from afar.

the ancient 1st year freshie photo. with the awesome girls who drove with me ard cheras taking wrong turnings to get me to that-awesome-chinese-restaurant-with-crazily-juicy-prawns-that-i dunno-the-name.

Running out of ears already. :P

the youthful youths who never fail to surprise!

a gecko on a pencil from Faidhi. *pei sun screaming her lungs out*

maybe 1 day she wont detest the poor reptile so much. >8)

ok that ends my syok sendiri bday blog posts for this year. :P

O&G short case sumtime in the next 2 weeks!

managed to get a hand in doing a Pap smear today. hope i didnt ruin the sample. heh. thank you Dr. Pravin!

owh and on a random note, a socket burnt in my unit today. huge flash of light of fire n poof! smoke. time to buy a new extension cord.

Of 22 years.

2010-09-26T22:59:00.006+08:00

Before the world began, you were on His mind.

God has a purpose for each n every one of us, even before we stepped into this world.

before the clock strikes 12 into my 22nd year in this world, i have received tons of surprises from my beloved friends, brothers n sisters and family. wow. in today's advancement all surprises come in advance as well. hehe.

just want to leave a note of appreciation to everyone who has dropped in a thought or two in making my 22nd another special one. i am truly blessed!

my church youth surprised me this morning by victimising me and karen who shares my bday to finish eating asam in 20 seconds, our taste buds screaming for their lives the whole way. n then gave us a lovely celebration.

tons of handprints w words of encouragement from my care group.

and lovely gifts. =) from Kai Xian and the life group.

a toucan of appreciation from the debaters. thank you Darryl!! >8) Arwk arwk!

i love the blingy ear rings from Cher.

and celebrated with beloved friends at San Francisco's Steak House few hours back.

n wow! a suplaise note by Kevin to surprise me with a surprise bday celeb asking me to invite my friends to join it. lol! >8D

thank you u guys for the handbag! :P

moving into another year makes me reflect more about my purpose in life and my role in the vision for God. knowing Him more, serving Him deeper and impacting His ppl more. He has been gracious and i pray i continue to experience Him each day.

looking forward to a joyful day tmr. good weather, minimal trauma and a fruitful day please! :)

How far does the barrier stretch?

2010-08-31T19:02:00.002+08:00

on and off our brains get fired with ideas and our fingers fly to the keyboard to pen them all down and share them with the world.

the zing of thought can be a creative spark of idea to do or create something, a new discovery or a life philosophy that struck you. or it can be emotionally driven and u long to lament ur sorrows or tell the world you're on cloud nine that particular time.

but as the world becomes more liberalised and we're granted more freedom, rights and means to pen down our thoughts and ideas, there is still an area of restriction to say everything you want to say.

what you say can affect just 1 person, your small circle of friends, or spark a nationwide propaganda, or impact a whole race. you do not know how far your words spread and bring up a reaction to how many ppl the moment u click publish and share your ideas in the stream of digital media.

that said, it comes down to 2 main aspects. of why our words need to be restricted. its either about yourself, or the readers. on your part, its protection. protection against physical or literal attacks from ppl who either disagree with you, or are unaffected by your words but can potentially use your words against you. sometimes u need to protect your thoughts and not appear to be too transparent for the whole world to see. its called private / personal space. every individual defines his personal space and how much he wants to reveal to others. our words translate our personality, mindset and ideology. words however can be misunderstood or mean different things to different ppl. all the more the reason to speak wisely esp when writing on the cyberspace becomes a form of documentation hence proof of whatever you say. its hard to track back or reverse damages done.

the other aspect is of what readers feel and think about your words. the advantage of reading rather than listening is that readers get to digest the material, analyse and ponder upon ideas b4 generating a full blown reaction. not always. but stil happens. the churning of more and more ideas on the net which are pro democratic or liberal ideas tends to shift the world to that end of the spectrum as well. it doesnt have to be so big scaled. happens within a community as well. whn ppl started going green, reading loads of articles and pro-environment perspectives got ppl to be more environmental friendly. vocal speakers / persuasive writers impact the world with their words. words are enough to generate peer pressure to be pro- say..purple! sth as small as that. the idea of restricting what you write is to avoid generating negative impacts in certain groups of ppl (imagines little mine fields blowing up whn being stepped on in random places).

heck why am i writing all these. it just started from me being apprehensive about me being sucked into another emotional whirpool of feeling down, worried and sad but not wanting to vent it all out on my blog bcz i need to protect my personal space, myself and contemplating its effects on others reading about it.

how much of yourself you want to reveal to the world (yes practically the world) lies in your hands.

Erupting Wisdom

2010-08-12T10:21:00.003+08:00

i'm currently suffering from an ulcer due to impaction of my right upper wisdom tooth onto the gum in the lower jaw.
to my utter surprise during my visit to the dentist 2 days ago, ALL four of my wisdom teeth have already fully erupted. am i that blur or plain ignorant? *hits forehead

have been thinking for the blissful past 3 years that none of them have erupted yet. not that it matters.

i have been left with absolutely no choice but to undergo a surgery to remove that ulcer-inducing-culprit as soon as possible after finishing the dose of antibiotics that will magically kill the bugs of highest evil that have caused me to suffer from pain drg swallowing, tender lymph nodes, chewing on one side of my mouth, drinking water like thr's no tomorrow and not being able to talk properly, hence silencing me to a 200 word per day quota for the past 3 days.

either the surgery, or to suffer from recurrent ulcers and the above in days to come.

in conjunction with my future wisdom tooth removal, i've set up a survey on wisdom tooth removal lol. do participate. :D

and on wondering WHY the tooth deserved such name, i googled and this is what i found:

the tooth erupts around 18-21 years of age, the age whr we are deemed 'mature', given the badge to walk into adulthood. hence earning all the priviledges that come together w it.

it differs slightly in other places:

Turkish refers directly to the age at which wisdom teeth appear and calls it 20 yaş dişi (20th year tooth).

In Korean, its name is Sa-rang-nee (사랑니, love teeth) referring to the young age and the pain of the first love.

In Japanese, its name is Oyashirazu (親知らず), literally meaning "unknown to the parents," from the idea that they erupt after a child has moved away.

The Indonesian term gigi bungsu for the last teeth a person cuts refers to bungsu, meaning "youngest child", because the teeth erupt so much later than the others, implying that the teeth are "younger" than the rest.

In Thailand, the wisdom tooth is described fan-khut (ฟันคุด) "huddling tooth" due to its shortage of space.

painfully interesting indeed.

express plans

2010-08-07T00:09:00.002+08:00

and today was the end of my 3rd year surgery posting.

i had a lot of fun, the doctors were nice, the wards and clinics were welcoming. i'm sure going to miss this posting in weeks to come.

the coming hols although 1 week, has been filled with a substantial amount of things to be done. planned at least haha.

- start reading up on O&G.
- research / lit review for eamsc paper / poster on adolescent's health.
- spend time with family.
- meet up with eugenie, tim, ang
- join cg
- cont to update myself on God's words
- think of ideas for esz

cant wait to get home :D

Are Msian Elderly Getting Enough?

2010-07-30T23:51:00.007+08:00

when we first embarked upon the journey of a thousand miles looking for a suitable research topic to focus on for the coming AMSC 2010 themed Geriatric healthcare last march when the guidelines were out, all we knew about geriatric healthcare was (at least what I knew was hehe) palliative care for chronically ill elderly, elderly care in nursing homes or old folks homes and the fact that everyone knows it is best to care for ur parents urself when they age, not send them to nursing homes.

little did i noe that geriatric healthcare comprises of a whole broad range of aspects, from physical health to social support to socio economic security to problems like polypharmacy (taking multiple doses of the same drugs from diff clinics thus experiencing horrible side effects from them), the lack of specialised healthcare for elderly bcz of lack of geriatricians in the country, the rising need to attend to the concerns of the elderly esp their emotional well being bcz they're prone to depression due to their loss of active lifestyle and loneliness.

we consulted Prof Rahmah from the public health dept and she gave us input on carrying out a research. a questionnaire dubbed SF-36 was used to assess the QUALITY of LIFE of elderly. it has 36 questions that fit into 8 domains of quality of life: and the answers are subjective to what the elderly feels based on a Likert scale (1 to 4 or 1 to 6)

the 8 domains

1. General health perception : do u feel healthy?

2. Physical functioning: can u walk 500m, do vigorous activities etc.

3. Role limitation due to physical problems: do u need more time to achieve doing sth due to physical problems? etc.

4. Role limitation due to emotional problems: do u need more time / effort do do sth due to emotional problems?

5. Bodily pain: how often/ severity of bodily pain.

6. Social functioning: do you face problems that limit ur interaction w others?

7. Vitality: how often do u feel tired, worn out, full of energy etc

8. Mental health: how often do u feel happy / sad / down in dumps etc.

we carried out the survey in two gov old folks homes and in the Sabah community.

we compared the quality of life score for every domain in terms of

a) place of living : nursing home vs. community

Result: Quality of life is better in the community

Social functioning is worst in the community.

Vitality is worst in the old folks homes.

b) Gender:

Result: male elderly are more affected by physical problems, females more affected by emotional problems.

this suggest diff intervention methods in addressing the needs of male / female elderly. phps for males, creating opportunities for them to involve themselves in more physical based activities to decrease the sense of depression bcz of the drop in active lifestyle compared to their young age bcz of physical limitations. for females, phps more support grps to address emotional distress.

c) married elderly have better quality of life.

are we suppose to encourage elderly ppl to get married then? hehe.

phps more attention can be paid to those who are single / divorced / widowed.

d) Quality of life increases with higher education level.

e) Physical health correlates with emotional health.

despite our country having 15 gov nursing homes to care for the elderly etc, thr is still lack of workforce in these homes. the elderly to carer ratio is extremely high and the needs of the elderly cannot be met ideally. there are currently only 9 geriatricians for the 1.4 million elderly in the country.

any1 interested to specialize in geriatric healthcare? :P

as u walk around the wards in hospitals, u can gauge that 70% of the patients are elderly ppl. many express their wish to just perish bcz they cannot take the suffering from the illnesses they have any longer, they feel uncared for, they are depressed and feel they have no hope for recovery. it bcums normal that u will fall sick n suffer when u're old.

as much as the country advocates for the rights of the elderly thru the policies and NGOs like the NACSCOM and GeM and USIAMAS helping in uplifting the elderly in the country, the emphasis on elderly well being is still not enough. there is not enough awareness being pumped into the minds of the community, esp rural areas on active healthy lifestyle for the elderly, the importance of seeking treatment bcz illness is NOT a must in aging, and most importantly, dealing with the change in trend of more women working and a career centric society that cause the family support for elderly to drop tremendously.

in the end we find that the pool of elderly in the country are chucked into nursing homes or are mostly sick suffering depressed individuals.

with the advancement of medical technology leading to higher life expectancy and a growing aging population, the challenge in ensuring the well being of elderly in the country increases.

but as the challenge grows, it isnt a reason to back off. thr's more of a reason to look into the issue critically. bcz 1 day as well, we're going to be part of that aging community.

how can u play ur part? start understanding and show love to the elderly ppl ard you. :)

*a huge beam dedicated to Pei Sun for leading the AMSA academic team in completing and presenting this ppr in the conference and winning 3rd place. thank you Kevin Tan, Seng Wee, Grace, Chia Ying, Kevin Chin and everyone else who were directly or indirectly involved for making this achievement a success. :P huge thanks to Mr. Jaya Raman from the Jabatan Perancangan Pembangunan Negara for graciously helping us to speed up our proposal approval and the insight into the country's old folks homes given, all staff of Rumah seri Kenangan Cheng Melaka and N/Sembilan and everyone who helped us in the survey, and the support from the RC Hau wei, Chin Kimg. and the public health team for organizing an awesome geriatric health promotion. Yay! :D

extension of this morn's Ischemic Limb seminar

2010-07-20T19:40:00.004+08:00

Found a pretty good powerpoint on Acute Limb Ischemia.

Google:

clinical features to assess severity of ischemia

and hit the 1st link on the search results. :)

This page offers good stuffs. Bookmark it :P

http://www.medicaleducationonline.org/index.php?option=com_docman

err

2010-07-19T21:05:00.002+08:00

i find myself spiralling along the course of extreme emotions these few days. its pretty freaky.

its a mixture of hvg self confidence but thinking you're not good enough, standing tough but also being scared, filtering influences of emotions from those around you. its enough to make you go from being very happy to anxious to being lost to getting your senses stabilized again.

maybe its the whole stereotype painted picture by seniors or friends, all well meant to let u noe what u're getting into or what to expect. but it creates this destabilization and at some point you wonder whr your own opinion stand or should stand or how u shud be. lol.

i'm in my 6th wk of Surgery posting. its dubbed most easy going compared to the other 2. although i'm less blur, more confident, hv more knowledge compared to like 1st wk lol, i feel like i'm stil so inadequately equipped. stil lack of so much knowledge n skill, stil so incompetent. n probably not hardworking enough. am i hardworking enough? do i have a definition or std to compare myself to? i nvr reli savoured the thought of comparing myself w others. bt then again without a benchmark u can get lost. i dont have a schedule or target or i dunno, sth along that line. i woke up this morning feeling reli alarmed. just a sudden shock n feeling of fear that i'm in week 6 bt stil so far from being prepared to leave the posting soon. and fear, is not a nice feeling at all.

swinging along the lane. i've starved myself of feelings i don't even know what to feel right now.

its not entirely negative. its just, so swing-ish that u're knocked into a different spectrum b4 u know it.

its probably exam jitters thats affecting ev1's mood. the medicine n O&G ppl have short/long cases coming up n the nervousness is sucking into me as well.

lalallalalallalla

it started as an Obligation. thereafter,

2010-07-17T13:22:00.007+08:00

when Jesus looked upon the crowd of thousands who had gathered in front of him to listen to his teachings for days, his heart was filled with compassion for the hungry people. and through the breaking of loaves and fish, he performed a miracle that fed all of them and additionally filled up 12 baskets of the fish and loaves from an original 5 loaves and 2 fishes.

now. compassion. love. obligation.

when we look at our purpose in doing things, some are done based on obligation. some based on compassion and love. some based on obligation at first, but as time passed, you developed compassion twds it.

sth simple for instance. u enter this new school as a stranger. u obey the rules, u dun throw rubbish ard its compounds, u greet the sch officers bcz its ur obligation as a student to do so. but after 3 years, u've come to become so familiar with the sch that u noe ur teacher's favourite parking spot, the menu at the canteen everyday, the distinct off-pitched keys of the piano played drg assembly and without realising it, u have grown to be so fond of ur sch. u no longer pick up rubbish bcz its an obligation but bcz u love ur sch and simply cannot stand the sight of some1 littering or abusing its facilities.

some institutions use community service as a way to penalize their members for failure to abide to the rules n regulations of the institution. whoever started this system is a genius. the punishment becomes a contribution. and from this form of retribution comes err what's the word.. repentance? not exactly repentance but the 'turning over a new leaf' with changed life perspective that sort of thing.

bcz the individual starts off by say, washing the sch toilet very very grudgingly (bcz no1 likes washing the toilet) and he is embarrassed by the fact that he is subjected to this form of punishment. the 'pain' is thr (the agony of a bunch of cute guys walking past n seeing this girl washing the sch longkang - no that has nvr happened to me hehe) n at the same time, the cleaning is done, and when this so called 'horrifying' job has been done a tad too often, the person hvg been in that institution for some time would probably be doing it voluntarily. maybe not washing clogged drains, maybe beautifying the environment, or some form of community service like helping out in old folks or charity homes etc.

i used to enter hospital wards thinking 'okay, so today i will clerk 1 patient at least and do physical examination on 1 patient at the wards'. i want it to be convenient and fast and i hoped for patients to give their cooperation. i complained to friends when patients say they're tired / sleeping / wave me away. a day with mostly unhappy tired sleeping patients would be a 'not so good' day.

1 day someone's words struck me. 'if i see any medical student taking history from a patient in a hurried manner, doing it for the sake of taking history and not being genuinely concerned for the patient, i'll fail that student.'

whoops.

that kinda stuck in my brain even days after.

last week i happened to have a so called very free morning, waiting for teaching in the ward or sth, and i sat down to take history from a patient. not reli to take history, but just chat with the aunty (cz dunno y i was so free that time). and as i let her talk about different aspects of her life, telling me her job, her life, concerns etc, i found out more about her background and stuff pertaining to her current conditions in a way that i definitely wouldnt be able to understand if i were to skip to short questions like 'what did u used to work as b4 this? *answer* 'where're u staying now?' *answer* etc. and after the long chat, in subsequent days, i felt not to say compelled, but genuinely interested to find out how she was doing and feeling. and she opened up to let me ask anything at all about her condition. and when she was going to be discharged, i felt very happy for her.

in reality it is of course not possible for doctors to build rapport to this level with every patient they hav in hospitals or else they would be treating just 5-10 patients a day with 50 more waiting in line.

but i captured a little essence in caring for a patient not bcz it was mere obligation but out of compassion.

yes it might make a difference in her life, but also importantly, it makes a difference in your life when you do so. the wards bcome more alive, in a way. =)

i got that person to thank for his words. lol.

Patience

2010-07-14T19:09:00.002+08:00

Is patience congenital or acquired?

there're many people of whom i simply marvel at their level of patience. patience in tolerating madness. the madness of traffic, people's attributes, annoying flies, longggg menial work, long hours of listening, practicing something to perfection, learning and trying until getting it, the list goes on.

somehow patience is linked to the amount of passion you have for something, or someone. the threshold level you have for different things and people differs.

the amount of time you would spend teaching your younger brother, the hours you would spend listening to your best friend complaining and offering words of comfort or just a listening ear, the lengths you would go to make sure your mother gets the best medical treatment, even if you had to travel miles and journey hours long to get something done, you would do it because your heart is in it.

the amount of time a doctor spends to listen to medical students present cases, correct them nicely, listen attentively and give constructive feedback, even though he noes he could be better off doing something else at that time and he wasnt reli obligated to guide and teach them anw. despite their lack of presentation skills and knowledge that equal to nothingness in comparison to the perhaps 10 years of experience down the medical line of his, he takes in all questions, drills and explains concepts even with tired watering eyes.

at that point i was wondering if this doctor had the patience to do all that because of an inborn strike (not error :P) of patience or bcz he had the passion to teach or sth along that line.

its a remarkable trait that truly inspires students. sometimes a part of the reason that you are motivated is bcz u dun want all that patience and time invested to go to waste. and it also challenges you, to give back that kind of patience to society, acquantainces, ppl you hardly or dont noe and to do things that you dont like doing.

Unintentional harm

2010-07-03T12:30:00.001+08:00

Ppl were born with the natural instinct to do wrong. If u realized, we weren't taught to carry out actions that are by society's standards or universally accepted as immoral i.e. lying, hurting others but these were inherent, as if a human nature. No one taught the 3 year old child to lie but he did so to save himself from perhaps punishment or repercussions of his actions. Sensing danger, he by all means tries to run away. Another illustration. The 4 year old boy refuses to admit he scribbled the wall because he was afraid of being scolded. Obviously no one taught him 'to lie to get away' prior to that. He did it by human instinct. You get what I mean. (if u beg to differ u're welcome to share ur opinion of course) but that isn't my main point here today anw.

When we do something that has unintentionally hurt others, we hope to clarify things, clear doubts and make amends to the person, to let him/her know that it was unintentional and we're sorry. Of course this doesn't give us the right to continue being ignorant n to hope for mercy each time we unintentionally hurt others. Bcz when it happens too often and repeatedly, ppl get tired of it and you know sth isn't right (with the way u're handling things). Whnever we're given the benefit of the doubt or are spared of our mistakes (or not), we take a lesson out of it, make a mental note and continue to mature and learn to be more and more tactful. In that process, we continue to salvage on open and forgiving hearts of ppl ard us to look past our misgivings.

Becz the point here is: None of us (well most of us anw) inherently wish to hurt others.

In whatever aspects and by whatever way.

So that brings me to the main point lol. Sorry for being sooo long winded.

Ppl around us (our friends / associates / family mbrs) who have caused hurt to us / our loved 1s / our friends / others could have done it unintentionally. Certain actions that we think are unacceptable by Our standards, may be acceptable by another person's standards. It differs bcz we were brought up in diff fam backgrds, a layout of society with diff expectations n needs and diff levels of tolerance.

The individual, did not realize he/she has caused hurt to another fella bcz:

If he/she were to be placed in that situation / commented w the use of certain words, he/she feels its alright n wouldn't be offended bcz he/she has a higher threshold level in accepting criticism.
He/she feels it's alright to be messy / borrow things without permission / leave things around etc. bcz he/she wouldn't mind for others to do likewise to his/her room or things.
There was a communication breakdown whr sth said meant a different thing/ Is interpreted differently by two diff individuals.
His/her standards of 'normal' differs from everyone else in our clique.

Brain jam. There are a 101 reasons that can be listed out.

Therefore, before we start judging / condemning / labeling a person for an action we disapprove of, we need to remind ourselves that:

No1 likes hurting others. (the definition of none is of course not absolute, well you know what I mean cz I'm lazy to list out exclusion criterias lol) It could most likely be unintentional.
Humans inherently have a tendency to do wrong, but as we mature and bcum educated, the norms of society/our surroundings and our conscience determines to what extent we inhibit sinful tendencies and do the 'right' things.

In order to evaluate that person, we have to rightfully

Clarify matters, find out reason he/she did that blah
Find out if it was intentional or otherwise
Let the person know how and why his/her actions were hurtful or deemed to be wrong by others.
And of course doing all the above in a very very tactful manner at a correct time.

If I had hurt sum1 unintentionally and did not realize it even til much later, I would appreciate it very much for ppl to tell me that and how was I wrong by the 'standards'. Not to be spoken of behind my back and deemed to be horrible by everyone else.

Well yeah, most ppl in society however prefer to take the shortcut and skip right to spreading juicy gossips about others. I dun deny this shortcut is easy and tempting to take (by inherently sinful nature hehe).

I therefore stil need to continuously remind myself to walk the longer road, take that extra mile of reflection and at the same time, try reduce unintentional harms towards others. J

We don't just need communication. we need effective communication.

*this post was written by random thought and is not linked to any specific personal encounter/experience.

filling the air

2010-06-30T19:23:00.002+08:00

i realized fresh bloody images were a test for me when

we were shown pictures of a brain tumour removal surgery this morning. i cringed at 1st at the sight of the crimson red bloody face, could still take it, and as the day passed, it was forgotten.

later on this evening, i spent 1.5 hours observing a wound dressing being done for a patient with a severe pressure sore at the sacral area.

it was a super huge wound of 10cm x 10 cm x 4 cm. with 4 more smaller wounds beside it, some of which connects to the huge wound in the centre via a tunnel.

as i walked back from the wards to my room, i could still smell and see the image of the wound in front of me. the image isnt so bad. it's the putrid smell that filled the air the moment the wound was exposed. (wore a mask but it didnt help)

at that very moment, my mind was filled with amazement, wonder and awe for all eternity for all nurses in this country, who spend their days in wards through all stench, blood, pus, ammonia etc. to tend to the needs of esp frail patients.

i will never ever in future question the intensity of the job of a nurse, and the passion she/he has for patients! not that i have ever been questioning it before this. lol.

n i brace myself for tougher moments in houseman years as i watched a brannula being inserted relentlessly into the femoral artery of a patient with more than 10 tries and still not succeeding, n few more attempts to draw blood from that area which also failed. (the patient is paralyzed from the umbilical level thankfully, thus not feeling any pain)

wow.

GIT

2010-06-23T17:29:00.004+08:00

i need more

Indigestion, colicky thoughts, constipated ideas, altered actions that differ from the heart.

there is no way, no way at all (in my opinion lar i think i could be simply exaggerating) any medical student can excel without

-the guts to ask what they think are stupid questions

-the guts to overcome inferiority complex

-the guts to appear dumb

-the guts to persist even though u noe u're gonna face rejection

-the guts to call doctors even though u anticipate being yelled at or getting a reli annoyed answer

-the guts to try out new things even though it means being ridiculed when making mistakes and looking reli bad in front of patients

becz everyone starts out from somewhere. n we need an essense of humility to overcome that pride in us that doesnt want to face embarrassment or humiliation or unpleasantness.

i need an extra dose of guts. i'm not there yet. i stil hesitate when i contemplate the chances of looking bad in front of others. but then again. its a personal feeling of insecurity. come to think of it, no one is going to rmb your mistake or your face for that matter. patients come in n out of wards all the time. they're like hundreds of students n nurses dun bother rmbering ur names or how u look like. its a place whr ppl are stil forgiving when u make mistakes n ask dumb questions. n yeah. thr's an advantage of being a student who is still learning.

'it may be my fault but pls forgive me bcz i'm still learning *kesian look*' n u kinda get away w it. if not for that day, the next day is a brand new day.

hrm yeah. i guess.

How far can your guts take you?

How far u want ur guts to take you.

*rats what am i doing here??? i'm suppose to be studying!! *groans

taste of clinical year

2010-06-19T14:13:00.002+08:00

it took just 3 hours for me to stumble over my block of will power.

i realised i cant study continuously for 1 whole day.

hmmm... shouldnt i have known that by now? like by at least 5 years ago??

what a naive idealist. -_-

a little drop of ink on how i fared the 1st week of clinical year.

thr is certainly no doubt, No doubt at all that clinical year is 100x more interesting than preclinical years. real life situations at last!

however, u get swamped with the ugliness of reality. interesting, but a little tough.

problems i am currently facing:

1. i have not finished reading the basics of surgery related diseases, so am perpetually blur when a patient tells me she has err.. lets say an enlarged thyroid. questions that pop up in my head were: main symptoms of thyroid disease, differential diagnosis for that chief complaint, questions to ask to exclude the differentials and come up w a provisional. then, physical examination to confirm the provisional. then what investigations to be done to further confirm and what management should be done.

n then b4 i finish reading up on how to answer all the questions above, the next day i clerk another patient, and its a totally different scope of disease, say.. hernia. n i go back n put hernia on my list of 'things to be read' and still stuck reading on thyroid bcz i was too tired the last night n fell asleep instead of studying.

so the aim now is to faster finish studying all those stuffs! easier said than done. argh. takes me hours n hours to finish 1 topic. n thr're at least 15 topics to cover.

2. if the supervisor says we should focus on a certain topic this week, so its another different topic to cover altogether.

3. n if i'm scheduled to enter clinic for say.. hepatobiliary that week, then its different again. (diff type of clinics everyday)

i tink the baseline for now is to finish studying the basics as soon as possible.

n finding out how to stay awake at nights to study instead of perpetually collapsing/fainting on my book at my study table. hehz.

ok gotta hit the books!

*on top of everything is finding out how to be nice to patients so that they let u interview them even tho u might be like the 5th person who has interviewed him for that day. n for them to let u examine them even tho u're like the 10th person to ask.

poor patients. imagine staying in the wards for 2 weeks.

1 day = minimum 5 interviews/examination by medical students.

multiply this with 14 days.

the patient would have repeated his history of illness and was examined at least 70 times by the time he gets discharged from the hospital. hehe. got 2 really thank them. some patients are reli nice. some pretend to be asleep when they see u walking twds them from far. i dun blame them. heh.

Sleeping at my own risk

2010-06-16T23:47:00.003+08:00

1st shout out on the start of my clinical yr:

i need tips on

How to not fall asleep while studying at night.

Feed me with tips on how to stay awake ppl!! thank you!

emotions, communication, where they come together.

2010-06-11T11:29:00.004+08:00

i came across this template n voila! decided it was nice n used it. :)

just back from ppd camp in neg sembilan at a btn camp area. the food was spicy aggravating my sorethroat, but much better than ppd camp 1 in 1st year. other than that, everything else was good.

i learnt thr's more to medical ethics than 1 side of the story.

i learnt thr isnt a clear cut yes no solution in being ethical.

i learnt to humble myself, even at times when i feel i'm not wrong.

and the importance of give and take bcz no one is perfect. i am not perfect. we gotta give space to ppl to make mistakes and look forward from thr.

its about getting through and around the system, while earning respect and respecting others.

I say this, because i am touched that a person forgave me for a huge mistake. to me it was a huge huge blunder. but there was no 'HARRR HOW can you do thisss??' or 'Crap.. now i have to do this / that bcz of ur mistake' or 'WHy din u realise earlier??' and not even an 'OH Noooooo....'.

just a simple reply of 'Its ok. no problem. dun worry bout it. it can be settled.'

This reply not only reassures me and takes away my guilt, but makes me feel a lot better knowing i hav not angered / troubled sum1 else bcz of my mistake.

i truly respect this person, and it was a solemn reminder to me to practise this sort of courtesy to others as well in future.

speaking of medical ethics, a few scenarios in the grp discussion session in the ppd camp spurred me to think further and look at both sides of things b4 making accusations or forming my opinion on 1 side.

When a doctor is charged or accused for negligence, ie. not attending to the patient properly/timely, patient getting contradicting explanations about the cause of a complication that arose in the ward, we need to consider both sides of the story. from the medical staff or system point of view, as well as that of the patient.

there are loopholes in the healthcare system. bcz no system is perfect, and in reality Msian gov hospitals still lack staff. the unfortunate thing is when the loophole compromises a patient's life, resulting in unneccessary deaths at times. its sad. but it happens. doctors missing out on significant vital signs of a post op patient such as severe hypotension, an alarm indicating a flaw (such as inserting a branula into an artery instead of a vein) that goes unnoticed, the exhausted houseman making a mistake in administering medicine in the middle of the night etc.

while the system constantly being improved in order to reduce mistakes by doctors or patch up loopholes in the system, the danger of being that victim plunging into that dark abyss is stil present. in certain countries, pharmacists accompany doctors in ward rounds to reduce mistakes done in the administration of drugs. it brings up the issue of credibility of doctors being questioned (which could injure some pride), conflict of interest, burden on healthcare system. but it's been proven to be successful.

another issue is about communication. its probably something that's still lacking in our healthcare system. patients feel uncared for bcz the doctor doesnt explain to him/her about his/her condition and management. the patient has actually been managed, but bcz he/she was not informed by medical staff about it and given adequate explanation, therefore they feel like they're neglected. communication is important. it prevents lawsuits. according to my Dr. facilitator. true. its a patient's right to noe what's happening to their body and what u're doing to their body.

another area is language barrier. they're lots of cases in gov hosps esp whr the patient has no idea what illness he has been diagnosed with and what or why he is taking this drug bcz the Chinese elderly cannot speak Malay or English and the doctor is unable to converse in Mandarin or Cantonese. i therefore, have to BUck up to improve my Mandarin. like seriously... ! gosh.

in the end its about every member of the healthcare team working TOgether to ensure the well being of patients.

i believe no doctor wants a patient to suffer. no normal person for that matter, wants anyone to suffer. but for now everyone has just got to play their part in trying their best to meet the needs of patients and learn to communicate effectively, in assuring him / her that he/she is in good hands.

town around town

2010-05-18T10:35:00.011+08:00

at the end of 6 weeks, i'm going to look back and wonder whr the 6 weeks went to.

but let's just say its been a break that was pretty well spent. :)

1. see the good in people

- we all have a problem in judging others, in gossiping about who did what and how disapproving what they did was, criticizing behind backs esp when, when we have too much time. lol. its an ongoing cycle and sort of human nature. that everything outside the limit of our norms (at least what is normal in our dictionary) is unacceptable. a sentence at the back of a bus caught my eye. it says, If a man has 9 bad attributes but 1 good attribute, look at that 1 good attribute. We constantly need quotes like these at the back of buses lol to remind ourselves and slap ourselves out of that judgmental box.

- as the monkeys say it, See no evil, Hear no evil. sometimes being cautious, but ignorant is good.

2. pour in constructive words rather than then lashing out malice

There's one more to it. See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil. 1 of the videos among the 15 Malaysia video release was about this harmonious community whr no 1 speaks, but ev1 is happy, all families are multi racial, ev1 can do any sort of job, take up any role in society and ev1 is happy. the catch is, NO talking. not even a cry for help. its wrong to say 'thr's a problem with the system'. well yeah its not exactly parallel cz we do need a platform to voice out concerns and discuss problems in the open. but when we face problems, we need to train ourselves to think. to think of HOw to solve the problem instead of pouring out venom and looking for a target to blame and complaining about what ifs and what not.

good leadership comes with good problem solving skills. Good followers stand on their own feet to think of solutions without waiting for the leader to solve every single problem that comes up. we need a balance. its a challenge to our minds.

3. seek God

While we can think that we are self supporting, able to depend on ourselves alone forever, or at least gauge support from the closest friends and ur family, there will be points where we stil need God. if you have experienced God's work in ur life, u'll noe what i'm talking about. u'll understand how God not only supports His children, but make them whole and steer them into a life direction that is meaningful and parallel to His greatness.

That spiritual filling in your life brings so much more meaning to life and makes life comprehensive. God is a living stream that never runs out.

Year 3 into clinical year.

seems daunting but exciting s well.

Heave ho! Pull up the anchor and let's set sail for the seas beyond. :)

owh! a few more things i discovered while taking Seng Wee ard Kch with my friends.

1. Ikan bakar at central park is heavenly.

2. teh si peng at 7th mile is original.

3. 5 layered teh si peng only looks good b4 u mix everything up.

before:

after:

4. the best belacan bihun stall at Song Kheng Hai is the one on the left corner from the front entrance.

5. Bako National Park isnt as far as i thought. :P

6. jungle trekking with an umbrella is quite possible.

thr's a pedestal shaped rock on the far right

the boat that took us to and fro from the jetty. at 1st we were wondering how come so damn cheap only RM5 for students like its the cheapest trip ever. until later only we realised the boat rent was RM94. Lol.

i still need to improve my parking skills... :S

popped into UNIMAS's medical faculty. :)

since thr's time to waste, i mean spare, here's a peek into kuching food variety.

1. foo chow large bee hoon - they cook it with some sourish veg that i dunno the name.

2. foo chow kong pia - circular bread w sesame seeds with meat stuffing. u can get the kosong 1s in sibu at 7 pcs for RM2. its a Sibu must have.

3. Jalan Song's carrot cake / char kueh - they have it salty or sweet.

4. rolled up chicken floss pancake

5. Open Air market sio bee. its the chilli sauce thats reli good together.

7. jalan Song's tomato noodles. crispy noodles in tomato gravy.

8. kolo mee - the best 1 is at Green Road. its the 1 kok joo poured dark soy sauce into cz he didnt like the plain colour of the noodles -__-

9. foo chow ting pien hu - u gotta try it cz i dunno how to describe

10. bidin - its a paku pakis species but different from the conventional 1s u get in west msia.

11. ka cang ma - i'm not entirely sure if this is swakian but seng wee's nvr tasted it so. haha. its chicken cooked with some green leaves herbs thingee with white wine. alcohol! :P

12. teh si peng - 3 layered tea - this 1s from 7th mile.

13. 3rd mile kueh chap - pork lovers wil love this. but for some, the aroma can be too much to bear.

14. o chien - crunch into the crispy bater fried with oysters. it looks like a tumour here but it tastes way out of the world of tumours. nice with soy sauce and pepper.

15. White Lady - a milky concoction of citrus fruits. slurps.

16. Metahon - its refreshing with lychee, cincau, lemon, the green thingy, jelly, sarsi flavor.

17. laksa Swak

18. green spinach noodles with char siew

19. Open air Market beef noodles

u'll nvr go hungry in kuching. :P

and now?

2010-04-14T06:59:00.004+08:00

things to be completed by the end of hols:

-i got 6 wks if i pass all papers. 4 weeks if i flunk that neuroscience paper. sigh. seriously considering that i might fail. but anwwww......

1. practise the guitar

2. finish collecting samples for BPH. catch like 100 more uncles.

3. get 200 elderly ppl to fill up the IRT questionnaire.

4. go to Seremban n get all the elderly ppl thr 2 fill up our quality of life questionnaire. about 300 of them.

5. complete lit review for elderly QoL.

6. read the bible.

7. read Talley O Connor

8. Genting Highlands!

9. Ipoh hopefully

10. help out with UKM IV

n hope i can complete all the above in 4 weeks. more or less. akks! (while going out for movies and shopping etc stashed in the middle hehe)

fruitful hols! here i come!

exam wows

2010-04-08T20:22:00.003+08:00

after a series of unfortunate unexpected pprs, these are a few things i learnt this week.

1. God's grace is abundant. i managed to get at least 6 hours of sleep each day, despite hvg to finish cramming 30 lecture notes of cns stuff yesterday. God's work truly.

2. studying uses up glucose, in the brain, in your body and stimulates hunger pangs in the middle of the night. i was so damn hungry last night at 10pm in the middle of studying anatomy. was contemplating whether i shud grab food at cafe but the thought of cafe food turned off the whole idea. ahah.

woke up this morning earlier than my alarm, due to, HUNGER. gosh... maybe God stimulated the hunger pangs at 6am to force me to wake up.

3. coffee, still works :P
had 1 b4 i started yesterday's cns marathon and had 1 this aftern after the ppr and am stil able to keep awake with brain functioning to be able to compose bm formal letters.

4. u can never study enough. never!
no matter how much u think there, i've studied it. i shud be able to do this paper.
u're going 2 be proven wrong the moment u flip open the 1st page of the anatomy objective questions. n to the very last page of the essay questions.

5. the feat of getting 4.00 in 2nd year 2nd sem is inhumanely possible. making some of my seniors, err... hrm. dun dream of it unless u have read AND remembered every single detail of not just the lec notes but every book ur lecturer recommends. n the 1s they dont. lol. at 1 point u're even thinking, can i pass this paper n u try to convince urself u can.

6. u start writing blog entries about ur exam papers sumwhr at a point of time in ur uni years. nvr dreamt i'd do this b4 this.

7. u complain about how tough the ppr was and scream and complain again to at least 10 different people u meet throughout the day. that's pretty definite for girls at least.

8. u cant sleep even AFTER the exam due to post exam excitement. reality takes time to sink in and normal body physiological responses take time to resume.

aaaahhhhhhhhh.......................... sighh.............. relief.........................................

*will be complaining again soon when i start studying for OSPE/OSCE (my practical n clinical exam due on coming tues)

owh n did i mention PIMPLES? *gaping horror*

of mid exams

2010-04-06T12:00:00.007+08:00

hi there!

Miss Escape-from-reality-to-blog-surf speaking.

its the first time i'm publicly admitting to spoiling myself to a few moments of online surfing in the midst of critical exam period. hehe. the line in ktsn is so good so y not? :P

just so that i have something substantive to write about here, the GIT and endocrine pprs yesterday and today were how.should.i.put,it... full of unexpectations.

the git ppr was like

the beginning scared the wits out of me. :S thank goodness things got better in the middle.. then at the END... :S :S :S

todays endocrine paper was like

ok. back to reality. yargh.

homing

2010-03-31T13:32:00.002+08:00

it's good to be home.

its harder to get online. (cz i'm too lazy to purposely fix up my laptop n walk down 2 flights of stairs to switch on the modem n walk back up. just. to go online) but i was a bit more hardworking today. :D

cz we hav to confirm and print out our UPP hostel application to submit to the college office (to be lost in a box of a whole pile of every1 else's forms that no one bothers to categorise properly anw)

well. i'm stil submitting it anw. just. in case.

bwahahahaha..... yeah right oh well.

ok. better get back to those mountain high notes.

i cant wait for exams to be OVer...... all thoughts on post exam plans seem to come up quite frequently. hehe.

overwhelming nature

2010-03-19T18:51:00.004+08:00

i shamelessly watched a 2.5 hour movie: My Name Is Khan today. putting the guilt aside, i'm writing about it here bcz I cried till my eyes were swollen it reli sent out a strong impactful message that every single living mankind on this earth should know.

It opened my eyes to whole new perspective of other ppl's religion and how religion can move ppl so much.

It gets very sensitive to talk about religion these days, esp when the focus of the topic is on the differences.

I nvr stopped long enough to realize the impact of 911 on the everyday lives of Muslims in US. Innocent people who face condemnation bcz they were labelled terrorists. and the pain they must have felt when ppl accused their religion of violence. People feel very strongly and deeply about their religion. and when wrongly accused, it hits hard, sometimes so hard that its difficult to continue loving and forgiving your perpretrators.

But what this movie portrayed was how important it is to push your differences aside. and focus on the essense of humanity at the very least. If you cant accept another religion, or give up your beliefs to take on another, the very least we can do is to respect basic human rights and dignity according to the universal human rights declaration.

Its not easy of course. There are many reasons we can put forward in order to dislike or condemn a certain party bcz u feel they carry the general representation of certain things you feel uncomfortable with in the group they come from. but sth that reli reli struck me in this movie is that as God poured out His love for me, so i shud pour out this love to ppl around me as well. not just to ppl i like, but everyone. indiscriminately. to overcome the barriers of misconceptions, prejudice, stereotypes that cloud my vision to see every individual as who he or she is. not merely a representation (that i might probably be wrong about or at least not entirely correct about) of a cluster of ppl.

if only the world would just sit down and take 2.5 hours to catch this movie. hehe.

this movie is overwhelming! watch it when you can. :) you'll nvr look at the world the same way again.

jumping aboard, and the wagon doesnt stop

2010-03-19T13:19:00.008+08:00

neverending leaps of faith.

3 weeks ago i lay in bed imagining n telling God that the post conference project i was organising will surely turn out fine in the end. *sleepless nights groans* it was like a roller coaster ride. inspired by the high blasts and fired up Excitatory Post Synaptic neurones of the brains of the academics dept after agm,

daunting, haunting me 3 wks b4 the prog and all of a sudden, plunging fast all the way down....... to a safe landing.. *sigh of relief* *i lost my mechanical pencil for the 5th time*i tink.

wouldnt have been able to do it without the amazing 19 other ppl in my committee. so thx guys! :)

n when the leap of faith landed me safe sound on the ground, i didnt stop to think before taking another leap into spiralling uncertainty.

why ar?

this might have sth to do with me being easily swayed when i make decisions. lol.

thankfully God's grace has been abundant enough to pull me through storms i walk into. n save me from tripping to embarrassment at the chindian shop a few days ago. :D

Easter is coming!

a little sense of accomplishment glows from within for completing a rojak-ed cacat-ed low quality but looks nice cz got lots of words and references lit review. lol.

cns and repro formative in 1 wk.

and finals in 2.

going home soon!!! :D

its starting.

2010-03-03T21:42:00.003+08:00

its the start of ranting posts. n there'll be more to come.

stress is an understatement.

i keep telling myself that i will sumhow survive this and pass my exams and then look back at how i managed.

but well... that wasnt when i had horrible time management, a project in my hands in less than 2 weeks, more than 15 lectures i think to cover in 4 days, formative in 3 wks and a MES tmr that i definitely will not be able to finish bcz in order to answer to got 2 hav finished studying like 5 of those pharmacology notes whr every one of them is equivalent to 2 or 3 normal lectures.

what am i doing here then?

well just expressing hopelessness through media.

sigh.

so how

2010-02-28T18:09:00.002+08:00

priorities priorities

its the only thing left when it comes down to making a deep hard decision

to determine once and for all, what IS the objective in the end.

because every objective, is achieved with a different step and decision. and the outcome is different.

we can try to compromise, but there is never a way, never, to please everyone in the end.

n u just hope ppl will understand, and see the way u see it. its the only way.

i realise as more and more critical decision making falls into your hands, the more ppl u will tend /be likely to hurt along the way. and it's inevitable. no1 likes making decisions that will hurt their friends or any1 for that matter. but it afterall, as said, boils down to..

Priorities.

which differ subjectively according to every individual.

thus making it harder to achieve a one way solution.

so in the end. some1's got to make the call. and it's not easy. but it has to be done.

phew....